In Japan, there are two ways to get into med school: 1. get in right after high school, 2. get in after graduating a university with a different major. The latter is sort of a special route; the applicants are something like thirty times as many as the fixed number, and most universities only take up to 10 students. It's a pretty competitive exam and the majority of the applicants go to this certain cram school for preparation. They either take classes or watch the classes recorded on DVDs. The cram school is located in three cities: Tokyo, Osaka, and Nagoya. The story I'm going to write about today is about a guy who went to the school in Osaka. My classmate, Ryoji happened to have been in the same class and told me about him non stop while we drove back from a park where we enjoyed hanami (花見 = when people sit under cherry trees and drink, except that we didn't drink; we ate under the cherry tree and played badminton later - exactly why my muscles are hurting).
He was white and thin with drooping eyes and slender fingers. Ryoji called him Beansprout. He would look what people were watching in the DVD room to check who was studying to get into med school (the school had programs for other exams too), and he would give his number to every girl who was studying to get into med school (-- he always carried cards with his number on to give out to girls walking on the streets and whatnot). Soon, girls started swarming around him. He had graduated from one of the most prestigious universities with a major in agriculture.
But he wasted his intelligence to lead an "easy life". When he heard that T university was the easiest to get in as long as you were from T prefecture, he used his smart head to think of ways to become a T prefecture inhabitant. Was it enough to make a girlfriend from T prefecture? Did he have to have a couple from T prefecture adopt him? His thoughts were always somewhat beside the point and immature - the reason Ryoji called him Peter Pan (as in Peter Pan from Peter Pan Syndrome).
One day, Beansprout aka Peter Pan lost one of his textbooks. When Ryoji asked what happened, he said it was going to be a long story, but he told Ryoji anyway - he had met a new girl with big boobs and heavy makeup and had started studying with her. The girl turned out to be a daughter of a rich med school professor, and he went to her house occasionally to "teach her" and had left some of his textbooks at hers. He got locked out and could no longer ask her to give him back the textbook.
I didn't quite feel sorry for the guy yet, but the story went on: His initial purpose of coming to the cram school was to flirt with girls but he soon had another purpose; he got acquainted with some bad classmates and started to plan bad stuff, i.e. he secretly/illegally recorded the class DVDs and planned to sell them. He was awfully serious about this business, and he would arrive at the DVD room early in the morning even before Ryoji. But the school eventually found out what he was doing and started posting notices saying not to use personal computers in the DVD room. When that didn't stop Beansprout, they posted more and more notices until he had nothing left to do but to read a tabloid in the DVD room.
But smart Beansprout still had plan B. He decided to go to the school in Nagoya and record DVDs there. The bad guys all agreed and Beansprout, burdened with all their expectations went off to Nagoya, cheating on the fare. (He loved cheating on the fare.) When he sneaked into the school, it was unexpectedly small and the staffs soon noticed Beansprout and asked what he was doing. He said he was a student going to the school in Osaka. He said he had wanted to see the DVDs of the classes held in Tokyo. He complained to the executive that it was unfair that the students in Nagoya got to see what the students in Osaka couldn't. In the end, the executive agreed to send him the DVDs.
When Beansprout got them, he soon had another plan. He asked his female classmates if they wanted to buy/rent the DVDs, which sort of backfired - they got mad that he had personally gotten the DVDs and insisted to the school that they also had the right to watch them. The school accepted their complaint and students in Osaka soon were able to watch the DVDs of classes held in Tokyo.
After this consequently great contribution, Beansprout decided to quit his DVD business. The executive only sent him one course so he had other courses to record but he didn't have the guts to continue. The bad guys started putting pressure on him. They said it was too late to give up. When they saw that Beansprout was reluctant, one of the bad guys suggested Beansprout that he make money in the entertainment/media industry. He said he had good connections and that he could introduce Beansprout to one of the executives. So that motivated Beansprout to continue with his DVD recording. He had never really wanted to be a doctor in the first place. He just wanted to make a lot of money. And he had started to realize that he was somewhat too unprepared for his exam. He hid in the toilet with his PC and kept recording DVD after DVD.
This was where I finally started feeling sorry for this Beansprout guy, and the story only got worse. When the connection guy got into med school, Beansprout asked him to introduce him to the executive in the entertainment industry. The connection guy was annoyed, and eventually cut him off. Left with nothing but the DVDs, Beansprout started working as a tutor. He gave the DVDs to the bad guys out of fear, but he kept one or two classes to himself - the strongest resistance he could manage.
I wouldn't say Beansprout is exactly an endearing character, but I still hope this isn't the end of his story, that he would lead a happy life in some way. Ryoji said I was wasting my wishes but that's the way I feel anyway.
2013年3月31日日曜日
2013年3月30日土曜日
saying goodbye
Last semester, during one of our last classes, a nurse (Mrs. N) told us an episode about when her father passed away. He said he wanted to die at home, so she and her family took care of him during the last couple of months. When she knew that his life was almost coming to an end (I think her father had gone into a coma), she asked her mother if she wanted to put him on a drip to prolong his life. Her mother asked how long it was going to extend his life, and when she heard it was only for a couple of days (or that in the worst case, it may shorten his life), she decided not to do any sort of life-prolonging treatment.
It was a difficult decision for Mrs. N to obey because she had seen many families ask to put the patient on a drip; it was their last hope - a hope they "should" hold on to. But Mrs. N respected her mother's decision, and she was glad when her father finally passed away. She had never seen a death so natural and beautiful. Without life-prolonging treatment, a person could actually look beautiful at the last moment of his life.
Her brother had missed the moment but when he finally arrived, Mrs. N nor her mother told him that he was too late. Soon, the doctor came to confirm the death. He felt the pulse and looked at the eyes. He glanced at his watch and told the family that their father/husband had died. Mrs. N looked over at her brother and saw him nod. He had managed to say goodbye.
Mrs. N told us that no matter what happened, the patient was still alive to the family until the doctor told them that the patient was dead. It was very important for her brother to have had the chance to say goodbye. It was a moment that changed his life - a life he might have had to live with regret turned into something positive when he managed to see his father off.
On a side note, two major kabuki actors died pretty recently, and I was surprised and a bit impressed about what the sons (who were kabuki actors themsleves) said when they were interviewed about their feelings on not having been there when their father passed away. "He had always told us that if we were able to see him on his deathbed, that meant we were inadequate as actors." They had been on stage when their father passed away.
The comment made me think that the last moment may not be as important as we usually regard it to be. We get sensitive when it comes to firsts and lasts; I would definitely want to hear my parents' last words and would want to do whatever I can if they have any last wishes, but that's maybe because I don't pay enough attention to them in everyday life. And it's that again - the importance to live life as if there's no tomorrow.
It was a difficult decision for Mrs. N to obey because she had seen many families ask to put the patient on a drip; it was their last hope - a hope they "should" hold on to. But Mrs. N respected her mother's decision, and she was glad when her father finally passed away. She had never seen a death so natural and beautiful. Without life-prolonging treatment, a person could actually look beautiful at the last moment of his life.
Her brother had missed the moment but when he finally arrived, Mrs. N nor her mother told him that he was too late. Soon, the doctor came to confirm the death. He felt the pulse and looked at the eyes. He glanced at his watch and told the family that their father/husband had died. Mrs. N looked over at her brother and saw him nod. He had managed to say goodbye.
Mrs. N told us that no matter what happened, the patient was still alive to the family until the doctor told them that the patient was dead. It was very important for her brother to have had the chance to say goodbye. It was a moment that changed his life - a life he might have had to live with regret turned into something positive when he managed to see his father off.
On a side note, two major kabuki actors died pretty recently, and I was surprised and a bit impressed about what the sons (who were kabuki actors themsleves) said when they were interviewed about their feelings on not having been there when their father passed away. "He had always told us that if we were able to see him on his deathbed, that meant we were inadequate as actors." They had been on stage when their father passed away.
The comment made me think that the last moment may not be as important as we usually regard it to be. We get sensitive when it comes to firsts and lasts; I would definitely want to hear my parents' last words and would want to do whatever I can if they have any last wishes, but that's maybe because I don't pay enough attention to them in everyday life. And it's that again - the importance to live life as if there's no tomorrow.
2013年3月29日金曜日
if you can imagine it
IF YOU CAN IMAGINE IT, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT;
IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN BECOME IT.
夢が叶ったのを想像できたなら、
その夢はきっと叶う
dreams
Another essay I read recently:
After taking the bar exam for ten years, I was suffering to decide whether to continue or not. I had started studying law at 34 and had begun taking the bar from 37. I was already in my mid forties. I was raising a child while working; unlike young examinees, it was impossible for me to study all day. It was becoming harder and harder for me to memorize things.
Was this a reckless challenge after all? Were all my efforts a waste? Was it a mistake that I even started taking this exam? I feared my life ending without ever accomplishing anything. I felt left behind and lonely when I saw my classmates pass. When I faced reality, it seemed wiser to give up.
That year, I decided to sacrifice everything - I quit my job, cut my sleeping time, did everything I could think of. When I took the exam, I thought something must be wrong if I didn't pass.
However, I couldn't find my number when the Ministry of Justice released the results. I cannot remember how I reached home. I tiptoed into the house, went into my room, and cried for the first time. That was when my son peeked into the room. I think he was still in elementary school. I usually left him to take care of himself; all I could do was place the meals on the table. I would not have noticed if he had been bullied at school. He was a victim of my exam-centered life.
"I'm thinking of quitting taking the exam" I said. My son said, "but it's your dream, right?"
Those words made me come back to life. I changed how I viewed my examination. It was indeed my dream. The reason I hated myself and couldn't forgive myself was because I expected myself to pass. I felt miserable because I hated myself. If it was a "dream", it was natural that it didn't come true. If it did, it was an amazing miracle. I began to like myself when I thought I was striving for my dream. I thought I should stop complaining because it was a path I chose.
What I learned through my examination life was to trust my own decisions. It is impossible to obtain everything. You have to decide on your own what to give up. When you make a decision, you have to stick to it. You should never look back. Then you can love yourself and keep smiling.
~ Masako Kamiyama （神山昌子）
She passed the bar after 23 attempts and became a lawyer at 61. "I cried when I passed. That, and the time I almost gave up - those were the only occasions I cried."
After taking the bar exam for ten years, I was suffering to decide whether to continue or not. I had started studying law at 34 and had begun taking the bar from 37. I was already in my mid forties. I was raising a child while working; unlike young examinees, it was impossible for me to study all day. It was becoming harder and harder for me to memorize things.
Was this a reckless challenge after all? Were all my efforts a waste? Was it a mistake that I even started taking this exam? I feared my life ending without ever accomplishing anything. I felt left behind and lonely when I saw my classmates pass. When I faced reality, it seemed wiser to give up.
That year, I decided to sacrifice everything - I quit my job, cut my sleeping time, did everything I could think of. When I took the exam, I thought something must be wrong if I didn't pass.
However, I couldn't find my number when the Ministry of Justice released the results. I cannot remember how I reached home. I tiptoed into the house, went into my room, and cried for the first time. That was when my son peeked into the room. I think he was still in elementary school. I usually left him to take care of himself; all I could do was place the meals on the table. I would not have noticed if he had been bullied at school. He was a victim of my exam-centered life.
"I'm thinking of quitting taking the exam" I said. My son said, "but it's your dream, right?"
Those words made me come back to life. I changed how I viewed my examination. It was indeed my dream. The reason I hated myself and couldn't forgive myself was because I expected myself to pass. I felt miserable because I hated myself. If it was a "dream", it was natural that it didn't come true. If it did, it was an amazing miracle. I began to like myself when I thought I was striving for my dream. I thought I should stop complaining because it was a path I chose.
What I learned through my examination life was to trust my own decisions. It is impossible to obtain everything. You have to decide on your own what to give up. When you make a decision, you have to stick to it. You should never look back. Then you can love yourself and keep smiling.
~ Masako Kamiyama （神山昌子）
She passed the bar after 23 attempts and became a lawyer at 61. "I cried when I passed. That, and the time I almost gave up - those were the only occasions I cried."
alone but not lonely
I think I said earlier that modern people perhaps had low tolerance to loneliness, or the state of being alone.
Of course loneliness is a universal feeling; it's not anything modern, but before the internet, people knew how to cope with it; they had a lot of chance to learn. Or maybe they were just used to the state of being alone. They didn't have Facebook or Twitter or even email - which also must have made them much more patient.
Either way, I think the tolerance towards loneliness is a great asset that modern people lost in exchange for convenience. We can connect with friends and strangers anytime anywhere but we never get enough of it, thus we never feel satisfied - the more we connect, the more connections we seek, and the more connections we seek, the lonelier we feel. The internet created modern loneliness??
I notice I'm being kind of persistent on this topic, but this strong demand for social networks really interest me for some reason. And I happened to read an essay that was very similar to what I've been thinking, written by Shozo Kajima （加島祥造）. I'd never heard of him before but apparently, he used to teach English literature at universities, and he's currently 90 years old, living in Shinshu alone "appreciating the power of life and nature". This is the abstract/translation of what he says in the essay titled "It is not lonely to be alone":
What is happiness? Having a lot of money, a stable life being guaranteed, being healthy, having a social status? These are only prerequisite conditions to be happy. In a rich society where you can get anything you want, you must start from thinking what is really important to you. When you are surrounded by too many things that are unnecessary, it becomes difficult to see who you really are.
When the war ended and I was released from the army, I worked as a journalist and started teaching at universities. I got married and raised two children; built a house and achieved every "prerequisite of happiness". Now people ask me why I decided to leave everything and live in a place where there's only nature. It's the same as asking what happiness is. I have no answer; all I can say is that I decided to put an end to the life of excessive demand. I've become to demand less.
Life gets easier when you accept things the way they are. When animals are put into a cage at the zoo, they first try to escape. When they understand that it's useless, they become docile. It's not that they give up. Giving up means quitting to live. They just accept their new selves in the cage. People try to escape the various cages in society. But it's useless because when you get out of a cage, the next cage waits in front of you. That is what it means to live in a society.
When I became sixty, I read an English translation of Tao. Do not demand too much, leave yourself to nature, and accept yourself - Tao's philosophy attracted me, and I found a special line that fell to my heart: Alone, but not lonely.
There are many people who fear being alone(孤独kodoku). They always try to connect with others through the internet. But does that really dissolve loneliness(孤独)?
There are two meanings in the word 孤独. 孤 means to be alone(孤立). When people are left behind from society, they become alone and it makes them feel lonely. In that situation, it is important to acquire the power to endure the state of being alone(孤立). That power is called independence(独立). The word alone(孤独) actually includes the meaning of being independent.
Then what does it mean to be independent? In short, it means to trust yourself: to accept who you are, and to realize you are living at this moment. It is most important to think about what is really important to you and what is unnecessary to you. When you see that, you are independent.
Do not give up. Accept who you are now, and stop demanding for things that are unnecessary to you.
As I was translating this, I realized that 孤独(kodoku) had two meanings: 1. to be alone, and 2. to be lonely. I guess this itself says that people often think being alone means being lonely, rather than being independent. But I really like what this essay points out. And I think it's kind of neat that English doesn't mix the two together - alone and lonely; they're similar but different.
Of course loneliness is a universal feeling; it's not anything modern, but before the internet, people knew how to cope with it; they had a lot of chance to learn. Or maybe they were just used to the state of being alone. They didn't have Facebook or Twitter or even email - which also must have made them much more patient.
Either way, I think the tolerance towards loneliness is a great asset that modern people lost in exchange for convenience. We can connect with friends and strangers anytime anywhere but we never get enough of it, thus we never feel satisfied - the more we connect, the more connections we seek, and the more connections we seek, the lonelier we feel. The internet created modern loneliness??
I notice I'm being kind of persistent on this topic, but this strong demand for social networks really interest me for some reason. And I happened to read an essay that was very similar to what I've been thinking, written by Shozo Kajima （加島祥造）. I'd never heard of him before but apparently, he used to teach English literature at universities, and he's currently 90 years old, living in Shinshu alone "appreciating the power of life and nature". This is the abstract/translation of what he says in the essay titled "It is not lonely to be alone":
What is happiness? Having a lot of money, a stable life being guaranteed, being healthy, having a social status? These are only prerequisite conditions to be happy. In a rich society where you can get anything you want, you must start from thinking what is really important to you. When you are surrounded by too many things that are unnecessary, it becomes difficult to see who you really are.
When the war ended and I was released from the army, I worked as a journalist and started teaching at universities. I got married and raised two children; built a house and achieved every "prerequisite of happiness". Now people ask me why I decided to leave everything and live in a place where there's only nature. It's the same as asking what happiness is. I have no answer; all I can say is that I decided to put an end to the life of excessive demand. I've become to demand less.
Life gets easier when you accept things the way they are. When animals are put into a cage at the zoo, they first try to escape. When they understand that it's useless, they become docile. It's not that they give up. Giving up means quitting to live. They just accept their new selves in the cage. People try to escape the various cages in society. But it's useless because when you get out of a cage, the next cage waits in front of you. That is what it means to live in a society.
When I became sixty, I read an English translation of Tao. Do not demand too much, leave yourself to nature, and accept yourself - Tao's philosophy attracted me, and I found a special line that fell to my heart: Alone, but not lonely.
There are many people who fear being alone(孤独kodoku). They always try to connect with others through the internet. But does that really dissolve loneliness(孤独)?
There are two meanings in the word 孤独. 孤 means to be alone(孤立). When people are left behind from society, they become alone and it makes them feel lonely. In that situation, it is important to acquire the power to endure the state of being alone(孤立). That power is called independence(独立). The word alone(孤独) actually includes the meaning of being independent.
Then what does it mean to be independent? In short, it means to trust yourself: to accept who you are, and to realize you are living at this moment. It is most important to think about what is really important to you and what is unnecessary to you. When you see that, you are independent.
Do not give up. Accept who you are now, and stop demanding for things that are unnecessary to you.
As I was translating this, I realized that 孤独(kodoku) had two meanings: 1. to be alone, and 2. to be lonely. I guess this itself says that people often think being alone means being lonely, rather than being independent. But I really like what this essay points out. And I think it's kind of neat that English doesn't mix the two together - alone and lonely; they're similar but different.
2013年3月28日木曜日
sakura
When I logged in today, I noticed two comments. It was totally unexpected. Just for the record, the statistics say that this blog has had 262 visits from Japan (though this is probably counting my own visits too), 118 from America, 83 from Germany, 25 from Korea, 24 from Russia, 8 from the Czech Republic, 8 from the UK, 7 from France, 4 from Malaysia, and 2 from the Netherlands. I'm not writing this blog for anyone, but it's still nice to know someone finds my writings worth reading and commenting on.
While I was on the plane today, I was listening to a program featuring "sakura songs". I didn't even know there was such a word, but according to the DJ, it's a relatively new word. In the early 2000s, a song called Sakura written by Naotaro Moriyama （さくら） became a million seller, and since then many singers started writing songs featuring the flower. Up till then, sakura was never a common theme in J-pop.
This is pretty interesting because sakura was the most commonly used flower in Japanese classic literature. People from the Heian era wrote poems after poems featuring sakura. Since it blooms only for a short period of time, it was thought as a symbol of fragility/frailness and transiency of life/beauty/power. It was also commonly associated with manly/graceful behavior from the way the petals fall rather quickly - when the time comes, they die out without lingering attachment.
While I was on the plane today, I was listening to a program featuring "sakura songs". I didn't even know there was such a word, but according to the DJ, it's a relatively new word. In the early 2000s, a song called Sakura written by Naotaro Moriyama （さくら） became a million seller, and since then many singers started writing songs featuring the flower. Up till then, sakura was never a common theme in J-pop.
This is pretty interesting because sakura was the most commonly used flower in Japanese classic literature. People from the Heian era wrote poems after poems featuring sakura. Since it blooms only for a short period of time, it was thought as a symbol of fragility/frailness and transiency of life/beauty/power. It was also commonly associated with manly/graceful behavior from the way the petals fall rather quickly - when the time comes, they die out without lingering attachment.
These are some sakura songs that I like:
河口恭吾(Kyogo Kawaguchi)： 桜(sakura)
アンジェラ・アキ(Angela Aki)： サクラ色（sakura-iro / the color of sakura)
Enjoy!
2013年3月26日火曜日
Yesterday, I heard that twitter had 200 million users. I've never been interested in twitter though; I've read articles about it, and I've heard about it on the news, and I've seen people tweet in movies and whatnot, but I just don't get it. Why do people bother to write down their every thought or action for the general public to see? I mean, I see the similarities between blogging and tweeting, but when I say tweeting, what I imagine is something like this:
I'm at the supermarket now. Looking for an avocado.
Found it next to the cucumbers, but they're all too soft.
I wonder if they aren't rotten inside.
I admit this might be one of the worst examples, but to me, it seems a bit morbid that someone even feels the need to write this down. It's as if modern people are too lonely that they need to be talking to someone constantly. They need a response for everything, and luckily, the virtual society called the internet enables that. Or maybe it's the other way around: the internet enabled people to get a response anywhere anytime so they feel lonely when they get none, and they end up tweeting more in hopes of getting a response this time. Perhaps a bit like an addiction?
But I guess it sounds a bit too sentimental to say the internet created low tolerance to loneliness, or the state of being alone.
I'm at the supermarket now. Looking for an avocado.
Found it next to the cucumbers, but they're all too soft.
I wonder if they aren't rotten inside.
I admit this might be one of the worst examples, but to me, it seems a bit morbid that someone even feels the need to write this down. It's as if modern people are too lonely that they need to be talking to someone constantly. They need a response for everything, and luckily, the virtual society called the internet enables that. Or maybe it's the other way around: the internet enabled people to get a response anywhere anytime so they feel lonely when they get none, and they end up tweeting more in hopes of getting a response this time. Perhaps a bit like an addiction?
But I guess it sounds a bit too sentimental to say the internet created low tolerance to loneliness, or the state of being alone.
2013年3月25日月曜日
the social network
About how Facebook was created and how it expanded. The tragic drama behind glory. Well, not really. It was one of those coming of age stories. Except that these Harvard kids had achieved something people never do in a lifetime. It's always interesting to watch American college students in movies because their lifestyle makes Japanese college students seem so innocent. I found it really funny that Eduardo had to keep a chicken around him for a week to get into one of the "clubs" - something that does not exist in Japanese top universities.
I didn't think Zuckerberg was such a unique character as I had read earlier on a review. He was just a lonely young man who hid his loneliness with an ambition and a cold/aggressive attitude. He was somewhat rude or even brutal to his only friend, but maybe he was too young.
Regarding Facebook itself... I use it once in a while, my name is definitely there (I was actually the only one with my name before this movie came out and a whole lot of Japanese people started using this networking service); it's useful in that you always have a way to contact a long lost friend, but that's the only attractive feature. I don't necessarily think transparency between friends make a better friendship.
Sharing information may make the world a better place, but when it comes to sharing your own life, I think there is a certain appropriate timing. People never think about friends who just lost their job when they post how happy they are about their new job. They never think about friends who have just ended their relationship when they post happy wedding pictures. Rather, as many people point out, it's almost like there's a competition going on - who is the happiest?
If Facebook is just stirring competition, I think it's a pretty sad phenomenon. It might've been inevitable though - after all, it was made by people who love competition.
2013年3月24日日曜日
nothing important
So I was trying to put this seal over my ipad today (they recommended I put it on to keep the screen clean) and my dad sort of tried to help me, but we kind of messed up and ended up getting a lot of dust-like particles on the seal, hence a lot of blisters between the seal and the ipad. Now I realize this sounds どうでもいい(nothing important). But we both sort of got upset with the situation. "It looks like my ipad has chicken pox."
"Can't you just push those air out?"
"I can't!"
"Well, look. It says you should only peel 5cm first, and then stick the seal little by little. You peeled too much"
"Yeah, I should've read the directions more carefully... but you were too stubborn about keeping that part in the right place; it doesn't work that way because see? ..."
"I think I should've done it"
I don't care a bit about the chicken pox now, but it seemed like the biggest problem on earth just a couple of hours ago.
And it reminded us both about an incident that occurred 15 years ago: I wanted to put a round sticker on the plastic body of a little measure, and I was wondering how I could stick it right in the middle. Dad came along saying he would do a great job. I trusted him with all my heart and handed him the measure and the sticker. He did it pretty carefully - I still remember. But when he handed it back to me, the sticker was not in the middle. It was stuck slightly to the right (or left). I think I tried to take it off and re-do it but the damage had already been done.
I remembered it as one of the very few incidents my dad disappointed me. He remembered it from the other side: "You looked at me with very sad eyes - it was a traumatic experience. That's why I wasn't confident enough today"
It's funny how we remember these kinds of things that aren't important at all. Well, I guess it's a good example that shows the morbid perfectionism that runs in our blood, but the good part is, it seems like we're both growing up. Like I've noticed that in many cases, it's just a short period of time that you care so much about a certain thing. If you can get over that time, you realize it was nothing important.
"Can't you just push those air out?"
"I can't!"
"Well, look. It says you should only peel 5cm first, and then stick the seal little by little. You peeled too much"
"Yeah, I should've read the directions more carefully... but you were too stubborn about keeping that part in the right place; it doesn't work that way because see? ..."
"I think I should've done it"
I don't care a bit about the chicken pox now, but it seemed like the biggest problem on earth just a couple of hours ago.
And it reminded us both about an incident that occurred 15 years ago: I wanted to put a round sticker on the plastic body of a little measure, and I was wondering how I could stick it right in the middle. Dad came along saying he would do a great job. I trusted him with all my heart and handed him the measure and the sticker. He did it pretty carefully - I still remember. But when he handed it back to me, the sticker was not in the middle. It was stuck slightly to the right (or left). I think I tried to take it off and re-do it but the damage had already been done.
I remembered it as one of the very few incidents my dad disappointed me. He remembered it from the other side: "You looked at me with very sad eyes - it was a traumatic experience. That's why I wasn't confident enough today"
It's funny how we remember these kinds of things that aren't important at all. Well, I guess it's a good example that shows the morbid perfectionism that runs in our blood, but the good part is, it seems like we're both growing up. Like I've noticed that in many cases, it's just a short period of time that you care so much about a certain thing. If you can get over that time, you realize it was nothing important.
diary
I'm such a himajin (ヒマ人 = people who have a lot of time); I found my old homework assignments:
A trip to the moon
I am going to the moon from 8th January with mummy and daddy. The earth is like a blue and green giant ball. In Space there is no air so we have to wear the Space suite all the time. I do not like my Space suit because we don't have any small Space suits and its very big for me. All so the space suit is too heavy and I can't move. I saw a star like an alian. when I saw it I thought that I was an alian too. The trip is all most finished. I don't want to wear a space suit but I want to live on the huge moon. bye bye moon
I wrote this when I was around seven. It was written three months after I returned to Japan. Three years later when I was abroad again (from a diary):
Today, like always I went to school. At school, we have this "Friendship Quiz" (which Paige made up). Everyone makes "Friendship Quiz" and give it to their friends. I'm making one for Paige. I've already made one for Emily and Katie. By the way, Emily gave me a "Friendship Quiz" and I got a 100%.
On a different day:
Good news - I don't have homework today. Well, only French. Bad news - it's about yesterday. In English we have "conprehention" and my friend always asks me the page in the book that gives answers to the questions. I told Sierra the pages and as a result, she got an A and I got an A minus. I think it wasn't fair so from now on, I am not going to tell answers. (The reason I got A minus and Sierra got A is because Sierra had less spelling errors.)
I don't even remember this Sierra, but I can see why I was upset. Though if my child were ever upset because of the same reason, I might tell her not to be too sour. "Give her all the answers if she wants them. You lose nothing." Sierra will. But I think it's Sierra's parent's job to do something about it.
Either way, I'm glad I studied hard. I know my English is still not that good, but if I could go back and talk to my past self, I'll tell her not to cry because her efforts will bear fruit. "It takes time, but I promise you won't regret." I want to hug her and tell her that I really really appreciate her efforts.
A trip to the moon
I am going to the moon from 8th January with mummy and daddy. The earth is like a blue and green giant ball. In Space there is no air so we have to wear the Space suite all the time. I do not like my Space suit because we don't have any small Space suits and its very big for me. All so the space suit is too heavy and I can't move. I saw a star like an alian. when I saw it I thought that I was an alian too. The trip is all most finished. I don't want to wear a space suit but I want to live on the huge moon. bye bye moon
I wrote this when I was around seven. It was written three months after I returned to Japan. Three years later when I was abroad again (from a diary):
Today, like always I went to school. At school, we have this "Friendship Quiz" (which Paige made up). Everyone makes "Friendship Quiz" and give it to their friends. I'm making one for Paige. I've already made one for Emily and Katie. By the way, Emily gave me a "Friendship Quiz" and I got a 100%.
On a different day:
Good news - I don't have homework today. Well, only French. Bad news - it's about yesterday. In English we have "conprehention" and my friend always asks me the page in the book that gives answers to the questions. I told Sierra the pages and as a result, she got an A and I got an A minus. I think it wasn't fair so from now on, I am not going to tell answers. (The reason I got A minus and Sierra got A is because Sierra had less spelling errors.)
I don't even remember this Sierra, but I can see why I was upset. Though if my child were ever upset because of the same reason, I might tell her not to be too sour. "Give her all the answers if she wants them. You lose nothing." Sierra will. But I think it's Sierra's parent's job to do something about it.
Either way, I'm glad I studied hard. I know my English is still not that good, but if I could go back and talk to my past self, I'll tell her not to cry because her efforts will bear fruit. "It takes time, but I promise you won't regret." I want to hug her and tell her that I really really appreciate her efforts.
being stupid
In Japan, being stupid seems something to be loved or appreciated.
As I was making breakfast this morning, my father started talking about "obaka-kyara" (=stupid TV personalities). Their talent is probably that they have no talent (and lately, they seem to be on every channel). I said people liked them because they feel relieved to know there are people who are stupider than them. "It makes them feel good in a way. Having no talent is a talent."
My father said that was exactly why he thought the Japanese ministry of education should ban them. "They deprive the people of their will to progress."
"Well, I don't think they should be banned, but stupidity is only endearing when the person looks good."
"Of course they're good looking. They need something. Otherwise they're just wasting public goods - namely radio waves."
I wonder if this appreciation of stupidity (except on the part of my dad) is something unique to Japan...
As I was making breakfast this morning, my father started talking about "obaka-kyara" (=stupid TV personalities). Their talent is probably that they have no talent (and lately, they seem to be on every channel). I said people liked them because they feel relieved to know there are people who are stupider than them. "It makes them feel good in a way. Having no talent is a talent."
My father said that was exactly why he thought the Japanese ministry of education should ban them. "They deprive the people of their will to progress."
"Well, I don't think they should be banned, but stupidity is only endearing when the person looks good."
"Of course they're good looking. They need something. Otherwise they're just wasting public goods - namely radio waves."
I wonder if this appreciation of stupidity (except on the part of my dad) is something unique to Japan...
2013年3月22日金曜日
the power to be happy
私、春嫌いなんだ I don't like spring
なんで？ Why?
聞かない方がいいと思うよ I don't think you want to know
なんで？ Why?
私がどんなに根暗かわかっちゃうから Because it shows how much of a gloomy person I am
分かった。春になるとみんなうきうきしてるからでしょ I think I know the answer. You don't like spring because everyone's excited? Everyone but you
あたり Bingo
I think I inherited this spring-disliking from my mom. She says people who like spring must be super positive and strong. Apparently, there's even a song that says so. She sang it to me while we were taking a quick walk this morning. The more beautifully the cherry blossoms bloom, the more her heart sinks because it makes her feel somewhat left behind.
Anyway, we (dad, mom and I) were talking about writing a living will while we were having breakfast. I said that it wouldn't be totally useless but that it wouldn't be enough for me to decide not to give them a life-prolonging treatment, because a living will is what they write based on their imagination. They imagine what they would feel like if they could no longer move/speak/eat/etc. and decide whether they want to live longer or not. While they're healthy, they might think it's not worth living in certain situations, but once they actually face those situations, their will might change.
I forget where I read it - it was maybe something written by Adam Smith - but it said that every human had the power to be happy in any condition. People get depressed and suffer in despair when they lose certain abilities, but once they go through the initial shock, they adapt to their situation or their new selves and find peace. They can still feel happiness. Some people can only move their eyelids, but they can still communicate by blinking - one blink means yes, two means no etc. And they tell us they're happy.
Dad suggested we all train as many muscles as we can so we'll have more chance of communicating in desperate situations. "You know how some people can move their ears too? I wonder if I can train myself to do that." He said to Mom that she would still have her nostrils if she couldn't move anywhere else in her body. "I know you can move them - they flare when you're mad."
Apparently, when the time comes, he's going to make a rule for her to follow so she can tell us whether she wants to live or not. I really hope it'll work - that both my parents would be able to tell me what they want when the time comes.
なんで？ Why?
聞かない方がいいと思うよ I don't think you want to know
なんで？ Why?
私がどんなに根暗かわかっちゃうから Because it shows how much of a gloomy person I am
分かった。春になるとみんなうきうきしてるからでしょ I think I know the answer. You don't like spring because everyone's excited? Everyone but you
あたり Bingo
I think I inherited this spring-disliking from my mom. She says people who like spring must be super positive and strong. Apparently, there's even a song that says so. She sang it to me while we were taking a quick walk this morning. The more beautifully the cherry blossoms bloom, the more her heart sinks because it makes her feel somewhat left behind.
Anyway, we (dad, mom and I) were talking about writing a living will while we were having breakfast. I said that it wouldn't be totally useless but that it wouldn't be enough for me to decide not to give them a life-prolonging treatment, because a living will is what they write based on their imagination. They imagine what they would feel like if they could no longer move/speak/eat/etc. and decide whether they want to live longer or not. While they're healthy, they might think it's not worth living in certain situations, but once they actually face those situations, their will might change.
I forget where I read it - it was maybe something written by Adam Smith - but it said that every human had the power to be happy in any condition. People get depressed and suffer in despair when they lose certain abilities, but once they go through the initial shock, they adapt to their situation or their new selves and find peace. They can still feel happiness. Some people can only move their eyelids, but they can still communicate by blinking - one blink means yes, two means no etc. And they tell us they're happy.
Dad suggested we all train as many muscles as we can so we'll have more chance of communicating in desperate situations. "You know how some people can move their ears too? I wonder if I can train myself to do that." He said to Mom that she would still have her nostrils if she couldn't move anywhere else in her body. "I know you can move them - they flare when you're mad."
Apparently, when the time comes, he's going to make a rule for her to follow so she can tell us whether she wants to live or not. I really hope it'll work - that both my parents would be able to tell me what they want when the time comes.
2013年3月21日木曜日
decision making
Life is a repetition of decision-making.
How you make decisions defines who you are.
paradox of choice
A TED talk a friend recomended:
The Paradox of Choice: How we Create Misery
"Something as dramatic as our identity has now become a matter of choice. We don't inherit an identity. We get to invent it and re-invent ourselves as often as we like. And that means when you wake up every morning you have to decide what kind of person you want to be." Which means "life is a matter of choice." But "choice produces paralysis rather than liberation. With so many options to choose from, people find it very difficult to choose at all." "Even if we manage to overcome the paralysis and make a choice, we end up less satisfied by the result of the choice than we would be if we had fewer options to choose from."
1. Regret and anticipated regret (Opportunity costs)
"The way in which we value things depend on what we compare them to. When there are lots of alternatives to consider, it is easy to imagine the attractive features of alternatives that you reject. Which makes you less satisfied with the option you've chosen."
→"Opportunity costs subtract from the satisfaction we get out of what we choose, even when what we choose is terrific. And the more options there are to consider the more attractive features of these options are going to be reflected by us as opportunity costs."
2. Escalation of expectations
"The reason everything was better back when everything was worse is that when everything was worse, it was actually possible for people to have experiences that were a pleasant surprise."
→Having too many choices causes escalation of expectations, which reduces our satisfaction (reduces our ability to value the good we have).
"The secret to happiness is low expectations."
3. Self-blame (depression)
"One consequence of buying a bad fitting pair of jeans when there is only one kind to buy, is that when you're dissatisfied and you ask why, who's responsible, the answer is clear. The world is responsible. What could you do? When there are hundreds of options available and when you buy one that is disappointing, and you ask, why, who's responsible it is equally clear that the answer is you. You could've done better. ...There is no excuse for failure."
→"When people make decisions, and (even though the results of the decisions are good,) they feel disappointed about them, they blame themselves."
Conclusion:
"The Official Dogma: maximizing welfare by maximizing freedom of choice, is NOT TRUE.
There is no question that some choice is better than none. But it doesn't follow from that that more choice is better than less choice. There is some magical amount, I don't know what it is, ...we have long since passed the point where options improve our welfare"
→Some option is good, beyond that it does not serve the welfare.
"Excess causes misery."
~ Barry Schwartz
Having a mother who regrets her decision the moment she makes it, and a father who almost never looks back, and being a hybrid myself, I don't think it's human nature to have all the problems the speaker points out. I don't think there is a magical number of options that would make us happy. It's just that the grass is always greener on the other side. If I really think about it, I would probably take freedom (excess choice) even if it came with responsibility. I guess the problem rather lies in the way we react to excess choices. But how easy is it to change your decision making process?
I think this kind of problem never happens with people like my dad. When he decides to do something, he focuses on only that - he knows how to live in the moment. And when he chooses something, he never looks back at the alternatives, because those alternatives are, in many cases, no longer available (because of timing, financial reasons, time restrictions, etc). It is nonsense to dwell over something you cannot do anything about. When he does regret, he compares the option he chose with an alternative that would've caused a worse result. Our decisions are not necessarily based on sufficient amount of information - there are again time restrictions, and of course we can't be a specialist in every area; the alternative options we think might've been better might've been worse in reality.
So there are ways not to be depressed by excess amount of options, and I think I should try to follow the below:
1. Decide how important that decision is
2. Decide how much time I'm going to use to make that particular decision
3. Make the decision; after choosing an option, do not look back unless other options are still available and worth considering
4. Remember that regrets do not make life better. By choosing to spend time regretting, I'm letting go of new chances to encounter/realize something that is more important to me. Learn what I can and move on
5. Live in the moment
The Paradox of Choice: How we Create Misery
"Something as dramatic as our identity has now become a matter of choice. We don't inherit an identity. We get to invent it and re-invent ourselves as often as we like. And that means when you wake up every morning you have to decide what kind of person you want to be." Which means "life is a matter of choice." But "choice produces paralysis rather than liberation. With so many options to choose from, people find it very difficult to choose at all." "Even if we manage to overcome the paralysis and make a choice, we end up less satisfied by the result of the choice than we would be if we had fewer options to choose from."
1. Regret and anticipated regret (Opportunity costs)
"The way in which we value things depend on what we compare them to. When there are lots of alternatives to consider, it is easy to imagine the attractive features of alternatives that you reject. Which makes you less satisfied with the option you've chosen."
→"Opportunity costs subtract from the satisfaction we get out of what we choose, even when what we choose is terrific. And the more options there are to consider the more attractive features of these options are going to be reflected by us as opportunity costs."
2. Escalation of expectations
"The reason everything was better back when everything was worse is that when everything was worse, it was actually possible for people to have experiences that were a pleasant surprise."
→Having too many choices causes escalation of expectations, which reduces our satisfaction (reduces our ability to value the good we have).
"The secret to happiness is low expectations."
3. Self-blame (depression)
"One consequence of buying a bad fitting pair of jeans when there is only one kind to buy, is that when you're dissatisfied and you ask why, who's responsible, the answer is clear. The world is responsible. What could you do? When there are hundreds of options available and when you buy one that is disappointing, and you ask, why, who's responsible it is equally clear that the answer is you. You could've done better. ...There is no excuse for failure."
→"When people make decisions, and (even though the results of the decisions are good,) they feel disappointed about them, they blame themselves."
Conclusion:
"The Official Dogma: maximizing welfare by maximizing freedom of choice, is NOT TRUE.
There is no question that some choice is better than none. But it doesn't follow from that that more choice is better than less choice. There is some magical amount, I don't know what it is, ...we have long since passed the point where options improve our welfare"
→Some option is good, beyond that it does not serve the welfare.
"Excess causes misery."
~ Barry Schwartz
Having a mother who regrets her decision the moment she makes it, and a father who almost never looks back, and being a hybrid myself, I don't think it's human nature to have all the problems the speaker points out. I don't think there is a magical number of options that would make us happy. It's just that the grass is always greener on the other side. If I really think about it, I would probably take freedom (excess choice) even if it came with responsibility. I guess the problem rather lies in the way we react to excess choices. But how easy is it to change your decision making process?
I think this kind of problem never happens with people like my dad. When he decides to do something, he focuses on only that - he knows how to live in the moment. And when he chooses something, he never looks back at the alternatives, because those alternatives are, in many cases, no longer available (because of timing, financial reasons, time restrictions, etc). It is nonsense to dwell over something you cannot do anything about. When he does regret, he compares the option he chose with an alternative that would've caused a worse result. Our decisions are not necessarily based on sufficient amount of information - there are again time restrictions, and of course we can't be a specialist in every area; the alternative options we think might've been better might've been worse in reality.
So there are ways not to be depressed by excess amount of options, and I think I should try to follow the below:
1. Decide how important that decision is
2. Decide how much time I'm going to use to make that particular decision
3. Make the decision; after choosing an option, do not look back unless other options are still available and worth considering
4. Remember that regrets do not make life better. By choosing to spend time regretting, I'm letting go of new chances to encounter/realize something that is more important to me. Learn what I can and move on
5. Live in the moment
2013年3月20日水曜日
the right to be happy
「不平等じゃないよ。みんな幸せなんだから」
即答されて驚いた。私が交換留学生として一年間留学したデンマークでは、税金が累進課税で最大７０％近くもとられるが、高収入の人も低収入の人も同じ福祉を受ける。その社会システムは不平等ではないかと疑問を持ったが、それに対してホストファミリーが言ったのが最初の言葉だった。
デンマークは調査結果から世界一幸福な国と言われている。世界にはいまだに多くの途上国がある中、一見それらの国々に最も縁遠い国のように思われるが、積極的に途上国に貢献している姿が見えた。
<中略>
途上国に必要なものを補うことは、決して不平等ではないことを私たちは自覚すべきだ。なぜなら、地球上の人々はみな平等に幸せになる権利があるのだから。 （石岡沙保）
"It's fair because everyone's happy"
The instant reply surprised me. Denmark, where I studied for a year as an exchange student, has progressive taxation which makes the people pay 70% of their income at max. People with high income and those with low income are supported by the same welfare. It made me wonder if that social system was really fair, but the above was what my host family said.
According to a research, Denmark is said to be the happiest country. There are still many developing countries in the world, and Denmark seems to be far away, but I found out they were giving a lot of support.
... (In Denmark, there is a day when all high school students work instead of going to school and donate their pay to developing countries.) ...
We should remind ourselves that it is not unfair to support developing countries, because everyone on earth has the right to be equally happy. (Saho Ishioka)
I read this essay on the newspaper. It reminded me that equality itself was not all that important. I mean, I would regard it unfair if I worked like a dog and ended up feeding people who only worked half as much as me, but if I were happy with that situation, and everyone else were as happy as me, I guess we could call that situation "fair". No matter how "unfair" it seems objectively (or according to the workload), it's "fair" in that everyone is happy.
I once told my friend that I didn't like it when I got something out of luck. "It's kind of unfair. I know luck plays a big role in life; I wouldn't have entered med school without luck, but I still think my effort played a bigger role"
My friend pointed out that that effort itself came from luck. I was born to my parents who valued hard work and taught me the satisfaction that came with it. I was born with the genes that enabled me to study hard. What if I were raised by a single dad who didn't value hard labor? What if I were born with a mental disorder? What if I were born in the middle of a desert instead of a city near Tokyo?
We're not made equally. We're all born in different environments with a different combination of genes - different color, different shape, different height, different everything; even our ability to feel happiness is different. But it's true that we all have the equal right to be happy.
Hard work is not necessarily rewarded equally - if you're successful, it's probably more because of luck than you could imagine. I guess a social system like Denmark's does make sense in many ways.
即答されて驚いた。私が交換留学生として一年間留学したデンマークでは、税金が累進課税で最大７０％近くもとられるが、高収入の人も低収入の人も同じ福祉を受ける。その社会システムは不平等ではないかと疑問を持ったが、それに対してホストファミリーが言ったのが最初の言葉だった。
デンマークは調査結果から世界一幸福な国と言われている。世界にはいまだに多くの途上国がある中、一見それらの国々に最も縁遠い国のように思われるが、積極的に途上国に貢献している姿が見えた。
<中略>
途上国に必要なものを補うことは、決して不平等ではないことを私たちは自覚すべきだ。なぜなら、地球上の人々はみな平等に幸せになる権利があるのだから。 （石岡沙保）
"It's fair because everyone's happy"
The instant reply surprised me. Denmark, where I studied for a year as an exchange student, has progressive taxation which makes the people pay 70% of their income at max. People with high income and those with low income are supported by the same welfare. It made me wonder if that social system was really fair, but the above was what my host family said.
According to a research, Denmark is said to be the happiest country. There are still many developing countries in the world, and Denmark seems to be far away, but I found out they were giving a lot of support.
... (In Denmark, there is a day when all high school students work instead of going to school and donate their pay to developing countries.) ...
We should remind ourselves that it is not unfair to support developing countries, because everyone on earth has the right to be equally happy. (Saho Ishioka)
I read this essay on the newspaper. It reminded me that equality itself was not all that important. I mean, I would regard it unfair if I worked like a dog and ended up feeding people who only worked half as much as me, but if I were happy with that situation, and everyone else were as happy as me, I guess we could call that situation "fair". No matter how "unfair" it seems objectively (or according to the workload), it's "fair" in that everyone is happy.
I once told my friend that I didn't like it when I got something out of luck. "It's kind of unfair. I know luck plays a big role in life; I wouldn't have entered med school without luck, but I still think my effort played a bigger role"
My friend pointed out that that effort itself came from luck. I was born to my parents who valued hard work and taught me the satisfaction that came with it. I was born with the genes that enabled me to study hard. What if I were raised by a single dad who didn't value hard labor? What if I were born with a mental disorder? What if I were born in the middle of a desert instead of a city near Tokyo?
We're not made equally. We're all born in different environments with a different combination of genes - different color, different shape, different height, different everything; even our ability to feel happiness is different. But it's true that we all have the equal right to be happy.
Hard work is not necessarily rewarded equally - if you're successful, it's probably more because of luck than you could imagine. I guess a social system like Denmark's does make sense in many ways.
2013年3月19日火曜日
bananas?
A couple of years ago, a minister was criticized when he stated that Japan was a "homogeneous state".
According to the Japanese Constitution, all citizens are equally important regardless of ethnic identity. However, we have no effective restrictions on xenophobic actions, and foreign nationals are sometimes restricted from certain services and activities. The nine largest minority groups residing in Japan are the North and South Koreans, Chinese, Brazilian (most Brazilians in Japan have some Japanese ancestors), Filipinos, Taiwanese, the Ainu and the Ryukyuan. The Ainu is the only native people group that has been formally recognized by the Japanese government.
It's difficult to recognize the ethnic diversity in Japan because the people above and the Yamato Japanese (the dominant native ethnic group of Japan) are all Mongoloids. I remember how a foreign student once told me how he was surprised to see "so little diversity in such a big city (like Tokyo)".
Maybe the majority of the Japanese actually think that Japan is a homogeneous state, or rather that Japan "should be" homogenous. I get the impression that a lot of Japanese people have a low level of tolerance especially towards other Mongoloids. Many who are okay with Caucasians have a harsh attitude towards the Koreans and the Chinese. Probably the reason why we're sometimes called "bananas" - yellow outside but white inside.
There's an autobiographical novel called GO written by Kazuki Kaneshiro which depicts the difficulty of the life of Zainichi Koreans (mostly descendants of Korean people who were forced to come to Japan during the colonial times; Zainichi = residing in Japan). Apparently, they have a huge identity problem because they're regarded as foreigners both in Japan and in Korea. GO is a pretty intense story with an intense protagonist: "I was born in Japan and raised in Japan. Why am I a foreigner? Is it a matter of genes? In case you don't know, the majority of the Japanese came from the Korean peninsula long long time ago. But I don't give a damn about my ethnic identity anyway because it means nothing. I feel really sorry for you guys that you have to define yourselves as 'the Japanese'; I'm not going to define myself in any way. No one is going to define me. I'm free. You hear that? I'm free!"
The first time I read the story, I was in junior high. I thought the protagonist was a hero. The second time I read it though, I felt slightly differently; I partly felt sorry for the author. It seemed to me like he was trying too hard, or a bit too self-conscious. There were some Zainichi Koreans in my university as well, but they were like any other student - I didn't feel any of the hostility or the persecution complex I noticed in some parts of the novel. But maybe it was just that my classmates didn't show it and I didn't witness anything around me. It's still true that there are some nasty discriminations going on.
Either way, it's not only Zainichi Koreans who talk about identity problems. There are these people called ha-fu here in Japan - it comes from the word "half" as in "She's half French and half Japanese". We usually use it as a term to describe someone who is mixed race (mostly half Caucasian), so I think most people have a good impression when they hear someone is a ha-fu. Some girls even say they want ha-fu children. But many ha-fus seem to have sad childhood stories to tell. "I'm always a foreigner where ever I go. You'll never understand this pain unless you're a ha-fu."
Do I feel sorry for them? Not necessarily. Despite the fact that I do have a couple of very good ha-fu friends, I might not have a good impression on ha-fu people as a whole. They sometimes act like they're very rare special creatures when in fact, they're just mixed-race; even the statement above - "you'll never understand --" sometimes sounds to me like they're trying to be special. But it might be the other way around; it's the overall Japanese attitude towards ha-fu people that I don't like.
Lately, I was asked to proof-read a Japanese self-introduction written by a ha-fu guy. I mostly had to rewrite it, but I noticed that he still hadn't forgetten to introduce himself as a "ha-fu". Ha-fus love to introduce/label themselves as ha-fu (while I believe Zainichi Koreans wouldn't enjoy calling themselves Zainichi).
But maybe it's just their way of saying that they're not "foreign", and that they are, in fact, Japanese like the rest of us (despite their foreign looks). For the most part, I believe "the Japanese" are doing a great job in making ha-fus feel special (rather than "different" or alienated). But in their perspective, that may only mean that they have difficulties being treated according to who they are, and not how they look.
Sometimes when I watch TV, I feel sorry to see ha-fu girls just sit there next to a guy who does all the talking. That's all they have to do sometimes - to sit and smile and be half white, half yellow. But then again, it's not only ha-fu girls - sometimes, all a female newscaster has to do in Japan is to sit there and smile and nod and look beautiful.
According to the Japanese Constitution, all citizens are equally important regardless of ethnic identity. However, we have no effective restrictions on xenophobic actions, and foreign nationals are sometimes restricted from certain services and activities. The nine largest minority groups residing in Japan are the North and South Koreans, Chinese, Brazilian (most Brazilians in Japan have some Japanese ancestors), Filipinos, Taiwanese, the Ainu and the Ryukyuan. The Ainu is the only native people group that has been formally recognized by the Japanese government.
It's difficult to recognize the ethnic diversity in Japan because the people above and the Yamato Japanese (the dominant native ethnic group of Japan) are all Mongoloids. I remember how a foreign student once told me how he was surprised to see "so little diversity in such a big city (like Tokyo)".
Maybe the majority of the Japanese actually think that Japan is a homogeneous state, or rather that Japan "should be" homogenous. I get the impression that a lot of Japanese people have a low level of tolerance especially towards other Mongoloids. Many who are okay with Caucasians have a harsh attitude towards the Koreans and the Chinese. Probably the reason why we're sometimes called "bananas" - yellow outside but white inside.
There's an autobiographical novel called GO written by Kazuki Kaneshiro which depicts the difficulty of the life of Zainichi Koreans (mostly descendants of Korean people who were forced to come to Japan during the colonial times; Zainichi = residing in Japan). Apparently, they have a huge identity problem because they're regarded as foreigners both in Japan and in Korea. GO is a pretty intense story with an intense protagonist: "I was born in Japan and raised in Japan. Why am I a foreigner? Is it a matter of genes? In case you don't know, the majority of the Japanese came from the Korean peninsula long long time ago. But I don't give a damn about my ethnic identity anyway because it means nothing. I feel really sorry for you guys that you have to define yourselves as 'the Japanese'; I'm not going to define myself in any way. No one is going to define me. I'm free. You hear that? I'm free!"
The first time I read the story, I was in junior high. I thought the protagonist was a hero. The second time I read it though, I felt slightly differently; I partly felt sorry for the author. It seemed to me like he was trying too hard, or a bit too self-conscious. There were some Zainichi Koreans in my university as well, but they were like any other student - I didn't feel any of the hostility or the persecution complex I noticed in some parts of the novel. But maybe it was just that my classmates didn't show it and I didn't witness anything around me. It's still true that there are some nasty discriminations going on.
Either way, it's not only Zainichi Koreans who talk about identity problems. There are these people called ha-fu here in Japan - it comes from the word "half" as in "She's half French and half Japanese". We usually use it as a term to describe someone who is mixed race (mostly half Caucasian), so I think most people have a good impression when they hear someone is a ha-fu. Some girls even say they want ha-fu children. But many ha-fus seem to have sad childhood stories to tell. "I'm always a foreigner where ever I go. You'll never understand this pain unless you're a ha-fu."
Do I feel sorry for them? Not necessarily. Despite the fact that I do have a couple of very good ha-fu friends, I might not have a good impression on ha-fu people as a whole. They sometimes act like they're very rare special creatures when in fact, they're just mixed-race; even the statement above - "you'll never understand --" sometimes sounds to me like they're trying to be special. But it might be the other way around; it's the overall Japanese attitude towards ha-fu people that I don't like.
Lately, I was asked to proof-read a Japanese self-introduction written by a ha-fu guy. I mostly had to rewrite it, but I noticed that he still hadn't forgetten to introduce himself as a "ha-fu". Ha-fus love to introduce/label themselves as ha-fu (while I believe Zainichi Koreans wouldn't enjoy calling themselves Zainichi).
But maybe it's just their way of saying that they're not "foreign", and that they are, in fact, Japanese like the rest of us (despite their foreign looks). For the most part, I believe "the Japanese" are doing a great job in making ha-fus feel special (rather than "different" or alienated). But in their perspective, that may only mean that they have difficulties being treated according to who they are, and not how they look.
Sometimes when I watch TV, I feel sorry to see ha-fu girls just sit there next to a guy who does all the talking. That's all they have to do sometimes - to sit and smile and be half white, half yellow. But then again, it's not only ha-fu girls - sometimes, all a female newscaster has to do in Japan is to sit there and smile and nod and look beautiful.
2013年3月18日月曜日
pimples
This afternoon, I was talking with my mom as I was doing my face. The conversation led to what kind of doctor I was planning to become, and we both agreed that dermatologists were supposed to be the easiest. It reminded me of a dermatologist I've known for almost five years.
I think I first went to see her to treat my acne. She made me lay down on the bed and squeezed all my pimples. I went there every month or so, and it really hurt for a while, but I still enjoyed visiting her; we talked quite a lot while she squeezed everything out - I would tell her about my college life, my boyfriend, my parents, and my future plans. She always came up with warm supporting comments, and also told me about her own family. She had just given birth to a baby girl who is now four years old. Now I only go to see her twice or three times a year but when I do visit her, she tells me about her gracious vacations in Karuizawa (she has a cottage there to escape the hot summer) and about her son who is growing monstrously tall.
Anyway, as I was talking to my mom, I looked into the mirror and found a tiny pimple on my chin. I tried to squeeze it, and suddenly wondered how many pimples Dr. N (the above dermatologist) squeezed every year, or throughout her whole career. I imagined her savings growing with every new pimple on my face. The more pimples I got, the larger her cottage became. I mean, it's true that my pimples and many other pimples are literally feeding her family. I wonder how many pimples are worth a cottage in Karuizawa.
It's kind of funny, but I guess it's only funny because it's pimples. What if it were something more serious? What if I decided to work at a hospice? Would patients think that I'm benefiting with every dying person? It's true in a way, but I hope it wouldn't cause bitter feelings.
I think I first went to see her to treat my acne. She made me lay down on the bed and squeezed all my pimples. I went there every month or so, and it really hurt for a while, but I still enjoyed visiting her; we talked quite a lot while she squeezed everything out - I would tell her about my college life, my boyfriend, my parents, and my future plans. She always came up with warm supporting comments, and also told me about her own family. She had just given birth to a baby girl who is now four years old. Now I only go to see her twice or three times a year but when I do visit her, she tells me about her gracious vacations in Karuizawa (she has a cottage there to escape the hot summer) and about her son who is growing monstrously tall.
Anyway, as I was talking to my mom, I looked into the mirror and found a tiny pimple on my chin. I tried to squeeze it, and suddenly wondered how many pimples Dr. N (the above dermatologist) squeezed every year, or throughout her whole career. I imagined her savings growing with every new pimple on my face. The more pimples I got, the larger her cottage became. I mean, it's true that my pimples and many other pimples are literally feeding her family. I wonder how many pimples are worth a cottage in Karuizawa.
It's kind of funny, but I guess it's only funny because it's pimples. What if it were something more serious? What if I decided to work at a hospice? Would patients think that I'm benefiting with every dying person? It's true in a way, but I hope it wouldn't cause bitter feelings.
a chronicle of my mother
わが母の記
Even if you forget everything, love will still remain
I have to watch this again. My mind wasn't in it when I started watching it - part of the reason I couldn't quite picture the family tree which was essential in understanding the film. Nonetheless, I cried towards the end. One of those movies worth watching twice.
It depicts the love between a writer (井上靖 Yasushi Inoue） and his mother: Inoue is left at a relative's place as a child. Fast forward fifty years, he has become a successful writer, and his mother has started to lose her memory. Inoue has always had hard feelings towards his mother, but his attitude starts to change when he realizes she no longer recognizes him and has even forgotten how she "deserted" him. "If she doesn't remember, what's the point in holding grudge against her?" He decides to take care of her at his place and writes about her in his novel (which this film is based on). His daughters also take great care of their senile grandmother.
After a couple of years, when Inoue sits across his mother, she tells him that she has a story to tell (as usual). This time, it's about a woman who took her son away. "She wouldn't tell me where my son is."
Inoue asks, "But you left him, didn't you?"
His mother looks away and looks out at the garden. "It has stopped raining. The puddle at the playground. ... ... ...the Pacific Ocean, the Atlantic Ocean, the Sea of Japan. But my favorite is the channel - the channel in the middle of nowhere, the channel I cross with Mom. The channel I cross with Mom. The channel..."
It was a poem Inoue had written when he was a child. He starts crying in spite of himself.
Towards the end, all family members panic when they realize their Grandma has disappeared - she had gone out on a journey to find her son. When the grand-daughter finally finds her, she calls Inoue that Grandma is heading for the seaside where she left her son. Inoue decides to wait for his mother at the sea. It was sad and heartwarming at the same time how he decided to be there so that it would sort of fit the world in his mother's head.
As I watched the grandma lose more and more of her memory, it seemed to me like she became more and more innocent. That was what made her endearing, and it really reminded me that becoming senile meant going back to being a child. I hoped my own grandma would be as charming as her if she ever lost all her memory. But then, I thought maybe the grandma in the film was endearing because Inoue wrote about her with a lot of love.
There's a scene towards the end where Inoue's wife tells him why his mother had left him at the relative's place. Inoue asks why she didn't tell him sooner. His wife says, "You wouldn't listen. It's only after your mother became senile that you changed your attitude. You had a grudge against her. Why should I try to do something about it when that was what made you write all the amazing stories you wrote?" Inoue's daughter says the same thing earlier: a canary that forgot its grudge cannot sing.
But then again, I thought he may have written one of his best works when he lost or rather let go of that drive. Maybe the process of facing his wound and forgiving was what made this chronicle powerful yet delicate and calm.
Even if you forget everything, love will still remain
I have to watch this again. My mind wasn't in it when I started watching it - part of the reason I couldn't quite picture the family tree which was essential in understanding the film. Nonetheless, I cried towards the end. One of those movies worth watching twice.
It depicts the love between a writer (井上靖 Yasushi Inoue） and his mother: Inoue is left at a relative's place as a child. Fast forward fifty years, he has become a successful writer, and his mother has started to lose her memory. Inoue has always had hard feelings towards his mother, but his attitude starts to change when he realizes she no longer recognizes him and has even forgotten how she "deserted" him. "If she doesn't remember, what's the point in holding grudge against her?" He decides to take care of her at his place and writes about her in his novel (which this film is based on). His daughters also take great care of their senile grandmother.
After a couple of years, when Inoue sits across his mother, she tells him that she has a story to tell (as usual). This time, it's about a woman who took her son away. "She wouldn't tell me where my son is."
Inoue asks, "But you left him, didn't you?"
His mother looks away and looks out at the garden. "It has stopped raining. The puddle at the playground. ... ... ...the Pacific Ocean, the Atlantic Ocean, the Sea of Japan. But my favorite is the channel - the channel in the middle of nowhere, the channel I cross with Mom. The channel I cross with Mom. The channel..."
It was a poem Inoue had written when he was a child. He starts crying in spite of himself.
Towards the end, all family members panic when they realize their Grandma has disappeared - she had gone out on a journey to find her son. When the grand-daughter finally finds her, she calls Inoue that Grandma is heading for the seaside where she left her son. Inoue decides to wait for his mother at the sea. It was sad and heartwarming at the same time how he decided to be there so that it would sort of fit the world in his mother's head.
As I watched the grandma lose more and more of her memory, it seemed to me like she became more and more innocent. That was what made her endearing, and it really reminded me that becoming senile meant going back to being a child. I hoped my own grandma would be as charming as her if she ever lost all her memory. But then, I thought maybe the grandma in the film was endearing because Inoue wrote about her with a lot of love.
There's a scene towards the end where Inoue's wife tells him why his mother had left him at the relative's place. Inoue asks why she didn't tell him sooner. His wife says, "You wouldn't listen. It's only after your mother became senile that you changed your attitude. You had a grudge against her. Why should I try to do something about it when that was what made you write all the amazing stories you wrote?" Inoue's daughter says the same thing earlier: a canary that forgot its grudge cannot sing.
But then again, I thought he may have written one of his best works when he lost or rather let go of that drive. Maybe the process of facing his wound and forgiving was what made this chronicle powerful yet delicate and calm.
2013年3月17日日曜日
being polite
A couple of months ago, I read something written by a foreigner explaining what 建前(tatemae) was. He said it was like when you ask if you could use the bathroom. The answer is already there (hopefully) but you ask anyway. "Tatemae is the same except that you have to multiply the importance by 1000."
I thought it was an interesting explanation but not necessarily acurate. Tatemae is what you say to cover up your real intentions, so unless you're asking if you could simply use the bathroom when in fact you're planning to set a camera or something, that wouldn't be called tatemae. It's just being polite. But then I realized this writer might have mixed up the concept of tatemae with that of 義理(giri) which are both said to be very important in the Japanese culture/society.
In the dictionary, it says:
建前(tatemae)：表向きの方針 (the official policy/intention)、 principle, theory
antonym: 本音(honne)
e.g.1
Tatemae: "Because of the fact that I've made another slip of the tongue lately, I've decided to resign my position as the Prime Minister of Japan. I'm also getting too old and I'm actually kind of sick."
Honne (truth): "I decided to resign because I don't know what to do with this country anymore and I don't want to take further responsibility."
Yes, Japanese prime ministers do resign with reasons like the tatemae above.
e.g.2
Guy to a girl (or vice versa): "Do you want to come over to my place and watch a movie?" (tatemae)
Well, I wouldn't say this is always 100% tatemae, but based on my own experiences, this is an international modus operandi. The foreigner above noted that he hated tatemae but I'm sure he has used this at some point in his life.
We should watch a movie. And by "watch a movie", I mean we should f*ck each other senseless while a movie plays in the background.
e.g.3
"It's not you; it's me."
We all know it was us.
Next:
義理(giri)：①物事の正しい筋道(the right way)、②特に江戸時代以降、人が他に対し、交際上のいろいろな関係から、いやでも努めなければならない行為や物事 (a concept from the Edo period. Things that you don't necessarily want to do but have to do in order to establish and maintain a good relationship. Obligation towards others)、duty, debt, obligation
e.g.
義理チョコ(giri-choko=giri chocolate)
This is distributed by women on Valentine's day to male friends, male co-workers, male family members etc. - my dad gets a couple at work every year (in Japan, Valentine's Day = a day when women give chocolates to men. Men return something - not necessarily chocolate - on "White Day" which is exactly a month later). I usually give giri-choko to show my gratitude; it's a good opportunity to say thank you. And I actually enjoy giving them out.
The opposite of giri-choko, by the way, is 本命チョコ(honmei-choko = you're-the-one-I-really-like chocolate) which is what girls give to guys whom they have a crush on; it's usually more expensive than giri-choko and many girls even make handmade ones. Chocolates given to female friends are called 友チョコ(tomo-choko = friend chocolate).
Both tatemae and giri are said to be "very Japanese" and I agree it is in some (or many) situations, but I think the western culture has a bit of it too. In the end, you can't always be totally honest to everybody, can you? The truth can be cruel and hurtful sometimes, and I think the basic idea of tatemae and giri originally comes from consideration towards others. I personally wouldn't want to hear every single detail my ex didn't like about me. And who would feel bad receiving a delicious chocolate?
I thought it was an interesting explanation but not necessarily acurate. Tatemae is what you say to cover up your real intentions, so unless you're asking if you could simply use the bathroom when in fact you're planning to set a camera or something, that wouldn't be called tatemae. It's just being polite. But then I realized this writer might have mixed up the concept of tatemae with that of 義理(giri) which are both said to be very important in the Japanese culture/society.
In the dictionary, it says:
建前(tatemae)：表向きの方針 (the official policy/intention)、 principle, theory
antonym: 本音(honne)
e.g.1
Tatemae: "Because of the fact that I've made another slip of the tongue lately, I've decided to resign my position as the Prime Minister of Japan. I'm also getting too old and I'm actually kind of sick."
Honne (truth): "I decided to resign because I don't know what to do with this country anymore and I don't want to take further responsibility."
Yes, Japanese prime ministers do resign with reasons like the tatemae above.
e.g.2
Guy to a girl (or vice versa): "Do you want to come over to my place and watch a movie?" (tatemae)
Well, I wouldn't say this is always 100% tatemae, but based on my own experiences, this is an international modus operandi. The foreigner above noted that he hated tatemae but I'm sure he has used this at some point in his life.
We should watch a movie. And by "watch a movie", I mean we should f*ck each other senseless while a movie plays in the background.
e.g.3
"It's not you; it's me."
We all know it was us.
Next:
義理(giri)：①物事の正しい筋道(the right way)、②特に江戸時代以降、人が他に対し、交際上のいろいろな関係から、いやでも努めなければならない行為や物事 (a concept from the Edo period. Things that you don't necessarily want to do but have to do in order to establish and maintain a good relationship. Obligation towards others)、duty, debt, obligation
e.g.
義理チョコ(giri-choko=giri chocolate)
This is distributed by women on Valentine's day to male friends, male co-workers, male family members etc. - my dad gets a couple at work every year (in Japan, Valentine's Day = a day when women give chocolates to men. Men return something - not necessarily chocolate - on "White Day" which is exactly a month later). I usually give giri-choko to show my gratitude; it's a good opportunity to say thank you. And I actually enjoy giving them out.
The opposite of giri-choko, by the way, is 本命チョコ(honmei-choko = you're-the-one-I-really-like chocolate) which is what girls give to guys whom they have a crush on; it's usually more expensive than giri-choko and many girls even make handmade ones. Chocolates given to female friends are called 友チョコ(tomo-choko = friend chocolate).
Both tatemae and giri are said to be "very Japanese" and I agree it is in some (or many) situations, but I think the western culture has a bit of it too. In the end, you can't always be totally honest to everybody, can you? The truth can be cruel and hurtful sometimes, and I think the basic idea of tatemae and giri originally comes from consideration towards others. I personally wouldn't want to hear every single detail my ex didn't like about me. And who would feel bad receiving a delicious chocolate?
2013年3月16日土曜日
2013年3月15日金曜日
what i wish i knew
What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20 - Tina Seelig
Finished it just now. Preachy. Might be better in the original language (I read the Jpn translation). Last chapter worth reading.
Message: Think outside the box. Allow yourself to question common sense. Do not fear to take risks. Do not fear to choose a path no one has ever taken. Not knowing what comes next will make you anxious. Unpredictability, however, is what makes life amazing. Do not make excuses - you can only blame yourself for the lack of effort. But be tolerant of mistakes (both yours and other's). Do your best in everything. You have only one life. You can't rehearse it.
I think the reason the whole book sounded a bit preachy was because it didn't have enough anecdotes on failure. The writer is obviously a very rational, intelligent, successful woman and naturally, people around her (the people she writes about) are the same. I understood that everything she said was a necessary condition to succeed, but at the same time, I'm sure there are people who did the same, or almost the same and still didn't succeed. I wanted to hear more of those stories and compare (by myself instead of her explaining) what was the slight difference between people who succeeded and those who didn't.
Finished it just now. Preachy. Might be better in the original language (I read the Jpn translation). Last chapter worth reading.
Message: Think outside the box. Allow yourself to question common sense. Do not fear to take risks. Do not fear to choose a path no one has ever taken. Not knowing what comes next will make you anxious. Unpredictability, however, is what makes life amazing. Do not make excuses - you can only blame yourself for the lack of effort. But be tolerant of mistakes (both yours and other's). Do your best in everything. You have only one life. You can't rehearse it.
I think the reason the whole book sounded a bit preachy was because it didn't have enough anecdotes on failure. The writer is obviously a very rational, intelligent, successful woman and naturally, people around her (the people she writes about) are the same. I understood that everything she said was a necessary condition to succeed, but at the same time, I'm sure there are people who did the same, or almost the same and still didn't succeed. I wanted to hear more of those stories and compare (by myself instead of her explaining) what was the slight difference between people who succeeded and those who didn't.
molestation
I met up with a Canadian friend yesterday and we happened to talk about 痴漢(chikan=molestation). It's pretty common in Japan (more than 2000 cases are reported every year) and they usually happen on the trains.
So when my friend witnessed a girl being molested right in front of him, he was on the last train heading for Shinagawa. The girl was obviously drunk and had fallen asleep. Soon, a guy (probably in his thirties) got on and decided to sit right next to the girl despite the fact that the compartment was almost empty. My friend thought it was strange but still kept looking down at his kanji book.
"And this is where things go bizzare." The guy put his hand on the girl's knee, and then up her leg and inside her skirt. At this point, my friend raised his head and stared at the guy. The guy looked back with his hand still inside the girl's skirt. He looked at my friend as if to ask "Can I do this? Is this okay?"
So my friend gestured him that it was NOT okay. And the guy decided to pull his hand out from the skirt but kept sitting next to the girl. When neither of them got off at Shinagawa, my friend decided to stay until one of them got off.
When I was asked what I thought about the story, I said it was half the girl's fault. She should've known better than to get completely drunk and get on the train alone past midnight wearing a skirt.
My friend said his other Japanese female friends commented similarly, and he thought that kind of attitude - blaming the girl - was making Japanese men think it was okay to molest girls. "All girls should be able to wear a skirt and get drunk as much as she wants to and get on the last train alone without being molested. Just like any guy. I don't get molested if I get drunk. Or if I wore a skirt. If people have to change their ways to protect themselves, that shows a huge problem of the society."
Right, but any society has problems; we have to live it. You have to learn to protect yourself from all the risks. It's called responsibility.
I think that was what I said, but my friend is actually right. We can't do anything about natural disaster but molestation is what people cause - it's not impossible to abolish the "custom". Our tolerance may in fact be encouraging people to commit crimes.
So when my friend witnessed a girl being molested right in front of him, he was on the last train heading for Shinagawa. The girl was obviously drunk and had fallen asleep. Soon, a guy (probably in his thirties) got on and decided to sit right next to the girl despite the fact that the compartment was almost empty. My friend thought it was strange but still kept looking down at his kanji book.
"And this is where things go bizzare." The guy put his hand on the girl's knee, and then up her leg and inside her skirt. At this point, my friend raised his head and stared at the guy. The guy looked back with his hand still inside the girl's skirt. He looked at my friend as if to ask "Can I do this? Is this okay?"
So my friend gestured him that it was NOT okay. And the guy decided to pull his hand out from the skirt but kept sitting next to the girl. When neither of them got off at Shinagawa, my friend decided to stay until one of them got off.
When I was asked what I thought about the story, I said it was half the girl's fault. She should've known better than to get completely drunk and get on the train alone past midnight wearing a skirt.
My friend said his other Japanese female friends commented similarly, and he thought that kind of attitude - blaming the girl - was making Japanese men think it was okay to molest girls. "All girls should be able to wear a skirt and get drunk as much as she wants to and get on the last train alone without being molested. Just like any guy. I don't get molested if I get drunk. Or if I wore a skirt. If people have to change their ways to protect themselves, that shows a huge problem of the society."
Right, but any society has problems; we have to live it. You have to learn to protect yourself from all the risks. It's called responsibility.
I think that was what I said, but my friend is actually right. We can't do anything about natural disaster but molestation is what people cause - it's not impossible to abolish the "custom". Our tolerance may in fact be encouraging people to commit crimes.
in reality
Two years ago when the Tohoku earthquake occurred, I watched a debate on whether we should offer high pay to the workers at the nuclear power plant -- so that we could recruit more workers. I think most people were against the idea because it took advantage of poverty -- it was a crime against humanity. "There would be no problem if one chose to risk his health of his own free will, but poor people with no work will reluctantly take the dangerous job for money. It's unfair because they're practically forced to jeopardize their health. They have no choice."
Of course they have no choice. Not many want to be homeless and worthless. I agree that no one should have to face the difficult choice of whether to die on the streets as a homeless man or to work near a broken down nuclear power plant with leaking radioactivity. But in reality, under today's social system, there are people who live on the streets. I assume that not a few of them would rather bear some radiation and work for the people and get some money to rebuild a new life.
And that's what the comment above is actually saying: having a risky job is better than dying in a ditch so "they have no choice" but to take the job. By being paternalistic and insisting no one should be "forced" to earn money by risking their health, we're denying the chance of a homeless man to survive and to have a better life.
I think the same applies to the surrogate mother industry in India, and the prostitution industry prevailing all over the world, and many other jobs that requires workers to "use" their body.
And another related topic: buying and selling of organs. It's prohibited. But giving your organ to your loving child is considered a right thing to do. Why? What if you have ten children to support and the only way to earn enough money is to sell one of your kidneys? I know most people are fooled and never get the money they were offered, but if you really could save your starving children by selling your organ, isn't that the same as giving your organ to your loving child?
The only reason I can think of to my own question - why regulations are necessary in certain areas - is that in most cases, earning money by risking your body/health is NOT the only choice. When your eyes are clouded with poverty and desperateness, the option of using your body becomes a great temptation - it might seem like the only choice. But there are other options as long as you can open your eyes and clear the mist in front of you. I believe paternalistic regulation might be necessary in these kinds of situations to clear the mist.
We become sensitive when it comes to issues relating to our body but we actually take risks of all kind all the time; it's impossible to live without taking risks. No one should have to sacrifice their body/health but if that is truly the only way to survive, I think no one is entitled to take that chance away. After all, the principal condition to live a better life is to survive.
Of course they have no choice. Not many want to be homeless and worthless. I agree that no one should have to face the difficult choice of whether to die on the streets as a homeless man or to work near a broken down nuclear power plant with leaking radioactivity. But in reality, under today's social system, there are people who live on the streets. I assume that not a few of them would rather bear some radiation and work for the people and get some money to rebuild a new life.
And that's what the comment above is actually saying: having a risky job is better than dying in a ditch so "they have no choice" but to take the job. By being paternalistic and insisting no one should be "forced" to earn money by risking their health, we're denying the chance of a homeless man to survive and to have a better life.
I think the same applies to the surrogate mother industry in India, and the prostitution industry prevailing all over the world, and many other jobs that requires workers to "use" their body.
And another related topic: buying and selling of organs. It's prohibited. But giving your organ to your loving child is considered a right thing to do. Why? What if you have ten children to support and the only way to earn enough money is to sell one of your kidneys? I know most people are fooled and never get the money they were offered, but if you really could save your starving children by selling your organ, isn't that the same as giving your organ to your loving child?
The only reason I can think of to my own question - why regulations are necessary in certain areas - is that in most cases, earning money by risking your body/health is NOT the only choice. When your eyes are clouded with poverty and desperateness, the option of using your body becomes a great temptation - it might seem like the only choice. But there are other options as long as you can open your eyes and clear the mist in front of you. I believe paternalistic regulation might be necessary in these kinds of situations to clear the mist.
We become sensitive when it comes to issues relating to our body but we actually take risks of all kind all the time; it's impossible to live without taking risks. No one should have to sacrifice their body/health but if that is truly the only way to survive, I think no one is entitled to take that chance away. After all, the principal condition to live a better life is to survive.
2013年3月14日木曜日
the great debaters
1930's America: black people are discriminated and linched. Four students at Wiley College decide to participate in the debate team. They go through difficulties such as losing a member and witnessing a linch scene while traveling - the shock breaks their heart; debating suddenly seems useless. But a letter finally invites them to Harvard.
"If today is not the day, when is it? Tomorrow? Next week? Or never? If there is a time for equality, it is always, always now."
"What did the nigger do (to be linched)? Was he a thief? Was he a murderer? Or was he just a nigger? Was he a priest? Was he a farmer? Did he have children waiting for him to come back? He was linched and the law did nothing. It just left us wondering why. An unjust law is not a law. We have the right and duty to resist, either by violence or by disobedience. You should pray that we choose the latter."
"If today is not the day, when is it? Tomorrow? Next week? Or never? If there is a time for equality, it is always, always now."
"What did the nigger do (to be linched)? Was he a thief? Was he a murderer? Or was he just a nigger? Was he a priest? Was he a farmer? Did he have children waiting for him to come back? He was linched and the law did nothing. It just left us wondering why. An unjust law is not a law. We have the right and duty to resist, either by violence or by disobedience. You should pray that we choose the latter."
2013年3月13日水曜日
space brothers
宇宙兄弟
2006: Two little brothers promise each other they'll become astronauts when they grow up. 2025: The younger brother becomes the first Japanese man to land on the moon, while the older brother gets fired at his company. The younger brother tries to persuade his brother to come to space with him, and eventually, the older brother goes through the JAXA exam while the younger one goes to the moon. Predictable but still enjoyable.
「僕は１９年間、むっちゃんが一緒に宇宙に来てくれるのを待っていましたが、待ちくたびれて死んでしまったようです。宇宙で待ってるので、早く会いに来てください 」
"I'd been waiting for you to come to space with me for 19 years but it seems like I waited too long that I died. I'm waiting for you in space so please come to see me soon"
2006: Two little brothers promise each other they'll become astronauts when they grow up. 2025: The younger brother becomes the first Japanese man to land on the moon, while the older brother gets fired at his company. The younger brother tries to persuade his brother to come to space with him, and eventually, the older brother goes through the JAXA exam while the younger one goes to the moon. Predictable but still enjoyable.
「僕は１９年間、むっちゃんが一緒に宇宙に来てくれるのを待っていましたが、待ちくたびれて死んでしまったようです。宇宙で待ってるので、早く会いに来てください 」
"I'd been waiting for you to come to space with me for 19 years but it seems like I waited too long that I died. I'm waiting for you in space so please come to see me soon"
2013年3月12日火曜日
dream-selling couple
夢売るふたり
A couple loses their restaurant in fire. The husband feels rotten and ends up sleeping with a woman who decides to give him a wad of bills. When the wife realizes what her husband had done, she plans to make money to start a new restaurant by making her husband decieve rich women. The more money they earn, the more distance their hearts suffer - their distance grows until they realize it's too late. Not exactly boring but a bit too abstract for me. Got lost towards the end.
「お前の足りんは金の足りんやなくて、腹いせの足りんたい。お前は俺に尽くしてきたけん、何の苦労もなしに甘い上澄みだけペロッと舐める女も、その女の股に頭突っ込んどる俺のことも許せんたい 」
"When you say it's not enough, is it really about money? Isn't it about revenge? I know, you've devoted your whole life to me. You hate all the chicks who just pays to take the good part. And you hate me for burying my head between their legs"
「私はあの人の人生に乗っかってるだけだから。自分の足で立たんと人生、卑怯なことになる 」
"I just jumped on to his life. Your life becomes dirty when you don't stand on your own feet"
I think the whole story boils down to this phrase. To stand on one's own feet. Now that I think about it, the wife, Satoko, was nothing but a wife. After their restaurant burned down, she decided to work at a random ramen shop. Her husband - the cook - on the other hand, had decided to work at a pretty good restaurant but was fired because he had his own policy in the kitchen and couldn't bend it.
The husband's dream had become Satoko's dream and it was nice while everything was going well, but when they lost their restaurant and faced failure, the relationship began to fall apart, not only because of the husband's affair but because Satoko had just "jumped onto" the husband's life. She had devoted hers to support him and his dream. She might've called it love at one point, but it turned into an ugly obsession once the husband broke her heart. She wanted to get off the train but thought it was too late; she had devoted too much. She no longer knew how to stand on her own feet, until the end of the story when she had no choice but to do so.
A couple loses their restaurant in fire. The husband feels rotten and ends up sleeping with a woman who decides to give him a wad of bills. When the wife realizes what her husband had done, she plans to make money to start a new restaurant by making her husband decieve rich women. The more money they earn, the more distance their hearts suffer - their distance grows until they realize it's too late. Not exactly boring but a bit too abstract for me. Got lost towards the end.
「お前の足りんは金の足りんやなくて、腹いせの足りんたい。お前は俺に尽くしてきたけん、何の苦労もなしに甘い上澄みだけペロッと舐める女も、その女の股に頭突っ込んどる俺のことも許せんたい 」
"When you say it's not enough, is it really about money? Isn't it about revenge? I know, you've devoted your whole life to me. You hate all the chicks who just pays to take the good part. And you hate me for burying my head between their legs"
「私はあの人の人生に乗っかってるだけだから。自分の足で立たんと人生、卑怯なことになる 」
"I just jumped on to his life. Your life becomes dirty when you don't stand on your own feet"
I think the whole story boils down to this phrase. To stand on one's own feet. Now that I think about it, the wife, Satoko, was nothing but a wife. After their restaurant burned down, she decided to work at a random ramen shop. Her husband - the cook - on the other hand, had decided to work at a pretty good restaurant but was fired because he had his own policy in the kitchen and couldn't bend it.
The husband's dream had become Satoko's dream and it was nice while everything was going well, but when they lost their restaurant and faced failure, the relationship began to fall apart, not only because of the husband's affair but because Satoko had just "jumped onto" the husband's life. She had devoted hers to support him and his dream. She might've called it love at one point, but it turned into an ugly obsession once the husband broke her heart. She wanted to get off the train but thought it was too late; she had devoted too much. She no longer knew how to stand on her own feet, until the end of the story when she had no choice but to do so.
looking too young
So I walked two stations with my mom today to a movie rental shop. On our way back, we walked by a lingerie shop that was having a sale and I suddenly remembered I needed to buy a new bra. I actually don't know how long you can use a bra if you're wearing it every other day, but I usually know it has outlived its usefulness if I've worn it more than two years.
Either way, I walked into the store with my mom and asked the clerk if she could measure my size (because it seems like my breasts have shrunk lately). She kindly selected a couple of products that were my size and came into the fitting room to see how my breasts had "settled" into the cups, only to find out none of the bras she had picked fit me. So she selected another couple of bras and asked me to try them on. I didn't like the designs but I put them on anyway and while I was trying to fit my breasts into the cups, I heard the clerk telling my mom that it might be a "difficult time" for me: "I think she's still not used to gathering her breasts into the cups. And she's probably still growing." Well, my high school days have almost sunk into oblivion, but I guess if I walked into a lingerie shop on a Monday afternoon in my sweats with my mom without make up on, I still look like a high school student. Or maybe younger - who knows? My mom, by the way, played along and said nothing about my actual age.
On a side note, I was making 豚汁 (ton-jiru = pig soup = miso soup with a lot of vegetables and a bit of sliced pork) with my mom this evening and she looked into the freezer to find a small bag of pork. She saw the label and cried: 「これ、平成１２年って書いてある！(OMG, it says best before Heisei* 12!」
Me: ほんとに？(Are you sure?)
Mom: うん、見て。平成12って書いてあるから。(Yeah, look!)
Me: ・・・2012じゃなくて？(I don't think that's Heisei 12 - it looks more like 2012)
*the Japanese dating system; Heisei means "the era of the Heisei emperor", though we only call him by that name after he passes away. Heisei 12 = 13 years ago.
Either way, I walked into the store with my mom and asked the clerk if she could measure my size (because it seems like my breasts have shrunk lately). She kindly selected a couple of products that were my size and came into the fitting room to see how my breasts had "settled" into the cups, only to find out none of the bras she had picked fit me. So she selected another couple of bras and asked me to try them on. I didn't like the designs but I put them on anyway and while I was trying to fit my breasts into the cups, I heard the clerk telling my mom that it might be a "difficult time" for me: "I think she's still not used to gathering her breasts into the cups. And she's probably still growing." Well, my high school days have almost sunk into oblivion, but I guess if I walked into a lingerie shop on a Monday afternoon in my sweats with my mom without make up on, I still look like a high school student. Or maybe younger - who knows? My mom, by the way, played along and said nothing about my actual age.
On a side note, I was making 豚汁 (ton-jiru = pig soup = miso soup with a lot of vegetables and a bit of sliced pork) with my mom this evening and she looked into the freezer to find a small bag of pork. She saw the label and cried: 「これ、平成１２年って書いてある！(OMG, it says best before Heisei* 12!」
Me: ほんとに？(Are you sure?)
Mom: うん、見て。平成12って書いてあるから。(Yeah, look!)
Me: ・・・2012じゃなくて？(I don't think that's Heisei 12 - it looks more like 2012)
*the Japanese dating system; Heisei means "the era of the Heisei emperor", though we only call him by that name after he passes away. Heisei 12 = 13 years ago.
self-hatred
It's a beautiful night
We're looking for something dumb to do
Is it the look in your eyes
Or is it this dancing juice
Who cares baby
I think I wanna marry you
I've been hearing this song a lot lately. If someone is going to ask me to marry him, I will most likely care whether it's because of a bottle of cheap booze or not. I don't want him to say he *thinks* he wants to marry me. Or that if I wake up and want to break up, that's cool. But then again, I do like the carefree approach towards life I can see in Bruno Mars' lyrics - something I would call アメリカ式刹那主義 (the American way of living only for the pleasure of the moment).
It reminds me of the guy I slept with a couple of years ago when I hated myself. Now that I think about it, I think his principle of living only for the moment and not caring about the past or the future seemed attractive because it was the time in my life when I was forced to think about my future and I was tired of it.
I didn't have a job, I didn't know what I wanted to do, and I hated myself. And when you hate yourself, you get sour and start to criticize all kinds of things. Things or people that never would've gotten on my nerves annoyed me; I was almost always irritated, and I hated how my dad said I wasn't entitled to criticize anyone who had a job. "At least they're supporting themselves," he would say.
"So I don't even have freedom of speech because I can't support myself?" I decided to get a job and worked as a part time translator for a while. All I wanted was to be free. Free from my future. Free from the idea that I had to have a dream. Free from all the expectations - mostly my own expectations.
Thinking about it now, I did nothing to find a breakthrough but I did almost anything to get away from myself - until one day I slept with a guy I didn't even like. And even that wasn't enough to wake me up.
"My life wasn't supposed to be this way." - a line I never pictured myself saying almost fell from my mouth. I just didn't know what I wanted to do. It was the first time in my life that I couldn't imagine my future. I didn't know that not being able to picture tomorrow could be so tough.
I don't know how I overcame my self-hatred, or if I have, in fact, overcome it. But if there had been a breakthrough, I think it naturally came when I became honest to myself. By the time I realized it, I wanted to be a doctor and nothing else. I still had some hesitations; I didn't know if I would be feeling the same a year later, but I decided to do what I could for the time being. And a year later, I was in med school living a life I never imagined.
I still sometimes hate myself, but I think I was very lucky that I had parents who waited for me while I took my time deciding on what I wanted to pursue, and I want to thank them for still supporting me. I guess I now see that I have no time for self-hatred.
We're looking for something dumb to do
Is it the look in your eyes
Or is it this dancing juice
Who cares baby
I think I wanna marry you
I've been hearing this song a lot lately. If someone is going to ask me to marry him, I will most likely care whether it's because of a bottle of cheap booze or not. I don't want him to say he *thinks* he wants to marry me. Or that if I wake up and want to break up, that's cool. But then again, I do like the carefree approach towards life I can see in Bruno Mars' lyrics - something I would call アメリカ式刹那主義 (the American way of living only for the pleasure of the moment).
It reminds me of the guy I slept with a couple of years ago when I hated myself. Now that I think about it, I think his principle of living only for the moment and not caring about the past or the future seemed attractive because it was the time in my life when I was forced to think about my future and I was tired of it.
I didn't have a job, I didn't know what I wanted to do, and I hated myself. And when you hate yourself, you get sour and start to criticize all kinds of things. Things or people that never would've gotten on my nerves annoyed me; I was almost always irritated, and I hated how my dad said I wasn't entitled to criticize anyone who had a job. "At least they're supporting themselves," he would say.
"So I don't even have freedom of speech because I can't support myself?" I decided to get a job and worked as a part time translator for a while. All I wanted was to be free. Free from my future. Free from the idea that I had to have a dream. Free from all the expectations - mostly my own expectations.
Thinking about it now, I did nothing to find a breakthrough but I did almost anything to get away from myself - until one day I slept with a guy I didn't even like. And even that wasn't enough to wake me up.
"My life wasn't supposed to be this way." - a line I never pictured myself saying almost fell from my mouth. I just didn't know what I wanted to do. It was the first time in my life that I couldn't imagine my future. I didn't know that not being able to picture tomorrow could be so tough.
I don't know how I overcame my self-hatred, or if I have, in fact, overcome it. But if there had been a breakthrough, I think it naturally came when I became honest to myself. By the time I realized it, I wanted to be a doctor and nothing else. I still had some hesitations; I didn't know if I would be feeling the same a year later, but I decided to do what I could for the time being. And a year later, I was in med school living a life I never imagined.
I still sometimes hate myself, but I think I was very lucky that I had parents who waited for me while I took my time deciding on what I wanted to pursue, and I want to thank them for still supporting me. I guess I now see that I have no time for self-hatred.
2013年3月11日月曜日
enjoy today
Enjoy today
because yesterday has gone
and tomorrow may never come
今日を楽しもう
昨日はもう去ってしまったし
明日はもう来ないかもしれないから
3.11
It's been exactly two years since the Tohoku earthquake. I feel bad that I haven't done anything for the victims over the past two years. When the earthquake ocurred, I was busy trying to figure out where my own future was heading. After a year, I was busy studying to get into school. And now, I'm still busy doing my own stuff.
When I see people suffering, it reminds me of why I decided to become a doctor. I want to be able to help them (probably because it feeds my ego but I'll think about that later). It's sometimes frustration that I'm too busy preparing to help people that I can't help them now.
I wonder which is better - helping 10 people now, or helping 1000 peopple in the future. It's sort of like comparing the value of today's 100 yen and tomorrow's 10000 yen. It's not an all-or-nothing question; I could probably help 5 now and 1000 more later. But at the end of the day, I find myself opening a textbook and telling myself I can help them later when I'm more qualified. The lack of motivation makes me tired of myself.
So today, I will do the least I can do: pray.
When I see people suffering, it reminds me of why I decided to become a doctor. I want to be able to help them (probably because it feeds my ego but I'll think about that later). It's sometimes frustration that I'm too busy preparing to help people that I can't help them now.
I wonder which is better - helping 10 people now, or helping 1000 peopple in the future. It's sort of like comparing the value of today's 100 yen and tomorrow's 10000 yen. It's not an all-or-nothing question; I could probably help 5 now and 1000 more later. But at the end of the day, I find myself opening a textbook and telling myself I can help them later when I'm more qualified. The lack of motivation makes me tired of myself.
So today, I will do the least I can do: pray.
2013年3月10日日曜日
sorting
The Japanese obstetrics and gynecology association is currently making a guideline upon introducing a new type of prenatal diagnosis which will enable pregnant women to check their baby's disorder with a simple blood test.
I will probably ask for it if I ever become pregnant, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to have to choose what to do with my baby if she/he turned out to have a disorder. I personally think prenatal diagnosis was one of the things that shouldn't have been developed. If there were only one choice - to give birth and see, no one would have to face the difficulty of deciding whether or not to kill her baby.
I saw a brief documentary on Nobuyuki Tsujii (a blind pianist) just thirty minutes ago, and his beautiful music made me think about all this. No one knew what he would become, but if his parents had decided not to have him, the world would have been a less beautiful place without his music.
Of course it's not that simple. I could never imagine how difficult it is to bring up a disabled child. Not every child with a disorder is born with a talent that would feed himself a lifetime. But if we kept sorting babies according to their disorders, the world would keep losing its tolerance towards diversity. It would be so much better if we could make a society where everyone - disabled or not - could live without worrying about how to support themselves after their parents die. Though I know it's difficult because the disabled are, after all, the minority. And the prenatal diagnosis would probably put them in a worse position.
Still, living with the wrong genes doesn't automatically mean it will make you unhappy. It's just... challenging. Tests only tell us about genes. You never know if the child is going to be unhappy. Our happiness can't be defined by our genes.
Or maybe it can. Some people have happy-prone genes while others don't. So are we supposed to sort our babies according to that happy gene? Is it really the happy gene that keeps you happy?
Either way, if you haven't heard Nobuyuki Tsujii's piano, I absolutely love this piece: The Angel's Wing of Rockfeller Center
I will probably ask for it if I ever become pregnant, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to have to choose what to do with my baby if she/he turned out to have a disorder. I personally think prenatal diagnosis was one of the things that shouldn't have been developed. If there were only one choice - to give birth and see, no one would have to face the difficulty of deciding whether or not to kill her baby.
I saw a brief documentary on Nobuyuki Tsujii (a blind pianist) just thirty minutes ago, and his beautiful music made me think about all this. No one knew what he would become, but if his parents had decided not to have him, the world would have been a less beautiful place without his music.
Of course it's not that simple. I could never imagine how difficult it is to bring up a disabled child. Not every child with a disorder is born with a talent that would feed himself a lifetime. But if we kept sorting babies according to their disorders, the world would keep losing its tolerance towards diversity. It would be so much better if we could make a society where everyone - disabled or not - could live without worrying about how to support themselves after their parents die. Though I know it's difficult because the disabled are, after all, the minority. And the prenatal diagnosis would probably put them in a worse position.
Still, living with the wrong genes doesn't automatically mean it will make you unhappy. It's just... challenging. Tests only tell us about genes. You never know if the child is going to be unhappy. Our happiness can't be defined by our genes.
Or maybe it can. Some people have happy-prone genes while others don't. So are we supposed to sort our babies according to that happy gene? Is it really the happy gene that keeps you happy?
Either way, if you haven't heard Nobuyuki Tsujii's piano, I absolutely love this piece: The Angel's Wing of Rockfeller Center
2013年3月9日土曜日
ups and downs
My dad had to leave for France
this morning so my mom and I drove him to the station. While we were on
the car, my dad asked if I wanted to go to the gym with him when he got back
(because he had a free ticket) so I told him I was going to meet up with a
friend. And he asked which friend. "The one who was worrying
about her last name?"
Me: Last name?
Dad: Yeah, the only thing that bothered her
was that her last name was going to change if she married her boyfriend.
Me: ...
Dad: The boyfriend was a rich artist and...
And I remembered my friend from high school
whom I met last year - I think it was in January; just before or after I broke
up with the ex.
At that time, she was studying art in New
York and had come home temporarily during winter break. She had done an
internship at an office of a famous interior designer and had been asked to work
with him after graduation. She had broken up with the boyfriend she had
been dating in high school (she used to show me things like lubes when I didn't
even know much about sex) and was dating a guy she met at college.
He was an extremely talented painter; politicians and CEOs paid unbelievable amount of money to buy his works. "Did you see my profile picture on Facebook? He painted that." In fact, she modeled a lot for him, and buyers asked him to introduce her to them at glamorous parties. Her boyfriend was her soul mate, her best friend, someone she could never live without; she was so lucky to have him. The only thing that had been bothering her was that she was going to have to change her last name when she got married - she didn't like her boyfriend's last name for a reason I forget. She was also worried about whether she was going to have a daughter or a son. She wanted a daughter who could model for her husband. "I want a cute little girl."
He was an extremely talented painter; politicians and CEOs paid unbelievable amount of money to buy his works. "Did you see my profile picture on Facebook? He painted that." In fact, she modeled a lot for him, and buyers asked him to introduce her to them at glamorous parties. Her boyfriend was her soul mate, her best friend, someone she could never live without; she was so lucky to have him. The only thing that had been bothering her was that she was going to have to change her last name when she got married - she didn't like her boyfriend's last name for a reason I forget. She was also worried about whether she was going to have a daughter or a son. She wanted a daughter who could model for her husband. "I want a cute little girl."
She made me feel like the ugliest living
being on earth. She was happy with a bright career, a caring
talented boyfriend, and didn't have to worry about money (she was from a rich
family in the first place), while I, on the other hand, had nothing but a
dream to become a doctor. I felt guilty that I was making my parents work
to support my "dream" and I didn't even know if I could ever get into
med school. I felt awfully left behind, and when I honestly said so,
she said she understood.
Really? I don't think so. I
wanted to be happy for her; I wanted to stop comparing and just be happy for
this happy friend but I couldn't do anything about my ugly feelings.
When we said bye, she said she would
contact me when she came back for good, so I said don't. "I'm going
to be miserable if my life's still not on track, so can you just leave me alone
until I contact you?"
I still haven't contacted her, though I
guess my life is partly on track now.
Either way, I was still talking with my mom
on our way back from the station, and she told me about this "bragging
party" she attended recently. It's a get-together thing between a
group of people (mostly women) teaching Japanese to foreigners, and it's held
every three months or so. People gather and brag about what they've been
up to but it's supposed to be fun because everyone is eager to know what others
are doing.
My mom hadn't attended the party in a long
time because she had been busy taking care of her mother and worrying
about me. Some people asked what she had been doing other than
taking care of her mother, and she didn't have anything to
tell. There was an atmosphere that made her feel shameful that she hadn't
accomplished anything over the past few years.
She actually went to the party to meet just
one friend, but she told me about how another former colleague (who has
mistaken herself as my mom's friend) kept bugging her once she told
them she was picking up French again. My mom hated
how the colleague acted like she understood what it was
like to have to take care of her mother and to have a daughter
go away to another prefecture, while she kept bragging about how she had
started learning Korean after her own mother had passed away and how her own
daughter was working in a prestigious company. "She was transferred
to a branch in Nagoya. She only knew Tokyo so she's having a rough
time. I went over the other day to buy her a new car..."
My mom soon decided to go home but at the
same time, she remembered how she had acted last time she went to the bragging
party. She had lost weight from a successful diet, her
daughter had just gotten in grad school, and her mother was still doing
well with a lot of hobbies. The colleague on the other hand, was taking
care of her mother who had become senile. They didn't talk much during
the party, and soon, the colleague stopped contacting my mom.
All this reminded me of an article about
Facebook depression; how people were feeling miserable when they were forced to
read happy stories their friends had posted every time they logged in.
Obviously, there are ups and downs in
life. It might be hard to be understanding towards others in either situation, but
I thought I should try to see things more objectively either way, because now I
sort of see that even what I was worrying at the time when I met my friend would've been
nothing for some people -- just like my friend's last name seemed nothing to me. What seems big to you can be so small if you
just try to see it from another perspective. Something we always say but
hardly ever understand, especially during rough times.
2013年3月8日金曜日
masochism
I have a couple of things about the Japanese that make me wonder. One of them is the tendency towards masochism, though I'm not sure if this is the right word.
A couple of months ago, a high school student committed suicide due to physical punishment from a teacher. He was the captain of a basketball team and had been physically punished occasionally. I was surprised that there were more than a few students who were defensive of the teacher - they said the punishment had come from love; it was because of the teacher's coaching that the basketball team had managed to participate in the national tournament. Wow.
It reminded me of when I used to do kendo: the practice was super tough (especially during the summer time when we had to practice with heavy protectors on when the gymnasium would be near 40 degrees) and we weren't allowed to stop even when we felt sick. Because the purpose of the practice was to
1. endure pain and gain patience
2. endure pain and gain mental strength
3. endure more pain and gain confidence
4. and "reach beyond our limits"
Of course we practiced to become better at kendo but that wasn't the major purpose, or it might've been, but the way we practiced was not really rational in that sense. I mean, 1~4 is obviously based on the idea that physical strength comes from mental strength. Patience has always been the key element of kendo practice, but still when you're sick and the only purpose of continuing the practice becomes tolerating pain, you don't learn anything technical - it almost becomes a physical punishment. After all, we're being hit with bamboo sticks in the first place.
It was amazing how students in the kendo club would keep practicing until they had to throw up or develop hyperventilation - something I might now call self-bullying. What's even more amazing is that I was one of the students who sort of liked the tough practice. I sometimes had stomachaches before practices and couldn't even sleep before camps, but the great satisfaction I felt after all the self-bullying was somewhat addictive. Or maybe I feared the regret I would have to endure if I didn't do my best, and the best meant practicing until my end of strength.
So it makes me wonder if the samurai spirit has anything to do with the fact that we are known as diligent workers. The Japanese culture probably values hard work more than any other culture - hard work has always been regarded as virtue. And I actually still like it.
But it also sometimes makes me wonder if the samurai spirit has anything to do with the sometimes positive attitude towards physical punishment.
A couple of months ago, a high school student committed suicide due to physical punishment from a teacher. He was the captain of a basketball team and had been physically punished occasionally. I was surprised that there were more than a few students who were defensive of the teacher - they said the punishment had come from love; it was because of the teacher's coaching that the basketball team had managed to participate in the national tournament. Wow.
It reminded me of when I used to do kendo: the practice was super tough (especially during the summer time when we had to practice with heavy protectors on when the gymnasium would be near 40 degrees) and we weren't allowed to stop even when we felt sick. Because the purpose of the practice was to
1. endure pain and gain patience
2. endure pain and gain mental strength
3. endure more pain and gain confidence
4. and "reach beyond our limits"
Of course we practiced to become better at kendo but that wasn't the major purpose, or it might've been, but the way we practiced was not really rational in that sense. I mean, 1~4 is obviously based on the idea that physical strength comes from mental strength. Patience has always been the key element of kendo practice, but still when you're sick and the only purpose of continuing the practice becomes tolerating pain, you don't learn anything technical - it almost becomes a physical punishment. After all, we're being hit with bamboo sticks in the first place.
It was amazing how students in the kendo club would keep practicing until they had to throw up or develop hyperventilation - something I might now call self-bullying. What's even more amazing is that I was one of the students who sort of liked the tough practice. I sometimes had stomachaches before practices and couldn't even sleep before camps, but the great satisfaction I felt after all the self-bullying was somewhat addictive. Or maybe I feared the regret I would have to endure if I didn't do my best, and the best meant practicing until my end of strength.
So it makes me wonder if the samurai spirit has anything to do with the fact that we are known as diligent workers. The Japanese culture probably values hard work more than any other culture - hard work has always been regarded as virtue. And I actually still like it.
But it also sometimes makes me wonder if the samurai spirit has anything to do with the sometimes positive attitude towards physical punishment.
ex
When I was heading for the station today, I realized that a cafe had closed. It was where I had met my ex last before he returned to the States. When I said I was busy studying for my coming exams, he said he didn't mind coming to my nearest station. We ordered hot drinks and talked about our respective future plans. I asked him if he had enjoyed his time in Japan. It was raining outside.
He was probably my first love - the first person I ever cried over. I still think I might've been in love with love, or that I just wanted someone to lean on; maybe it didn't have to be him. I don't know. But I did like him a lot.
Maybe he didn't see it because I was never ready to sleep with him. I still remember how I felt he was being sarcastic when I asked if he didn't feel my love in the texts I sent him.
We had our first fight towards the end of the relationship. We were walking up the stairs - the one that leads to the JR ticket barrier at the Shinjuku south exit. It was Christmas but I was pissed off from the moment we got together (for several good reasons) and although things did get better after we had dinner, we got into a small fight. I thought he lacked respect; he thought I was being persistent. And it made him so uncomfortable that he said he had to go home to skype his mom. He always had to skype his mom. Which was something I honestly liked about him until that moment... Well actually, I think he said he had to skype his mom even before we got into the fight, but anyway, that was the last time I met him while we were dating.
It was four months later that he decided to return to America and sent me a text so we could meet up. After we left the cafe, I walked him to the station and we exchanged our final farewells. No hug, no tears. I didn't even recall how I was embarrassed when he suddenly hugged me on the platform after our first date.
Fast forward another ten months and the cafe had been closed. Nothing except for the shop sign was left. The buzzing of people, the smell of coffee, the colorful cupcakes, the music from the stereo, the guitar players sitting outside - all that had once been there had disappeared. And I felt slightly sad and nostalgic as I hastily walked by the building this morning just like I had done so many times.
It's amazing how time flies. How memories pile up and weathers.
He was probably my first love - the first person I ever cried over. I still think I might've been in love with love, or that I just wanted someone to lean on; maybe it didn't have to be him. I don't know. But I did like him a lot.
Maybe he didn't see it because I was never ready to sleep with him. I still remember how I felt he was being sarcastic when I asked if he didn't feel my love in the texts I sent him.
We had our first fight towards the end of the relationship. We were walking up the stairs - the one that leads to the JR ticket barrier at the Shinjuku south exit. It was Christmas but I was pissed off from the moment we got together (for several good reasons) and although things did get better after we had dinner, we got into a small fight. I thought he lacked respect; he thought I was being persistent. And it made him so uncomfortable that he said he had to go home to skype his mom. He always had to skype his mom. Which was something I honestly liked about him until that moment... Well actually, I think he said he had to skype his mom even before we got into the fight, but anyway, that was the last time I met him while we were dating.
It was four months later that he decided to return to America and sent me a text so we could meet up. After we left the cafe, I walked him to the station and we exchanged our final farewells. No hug, no tears. I didn't even recall how I was embarrassed when he suddenly hugged me on the platform after our first date.
Fast forward another ten months and the cafe had been closed. Nothing except for the shop sign was left. The buzzing of people, the smell of coffee, the colorful cupcakes, the music from the stereo, the guitar players sitting outside - all that had once been there had disappeared. And I felt slightly sad and nostalgic as I hastily walked by the building this morning just like I had done so many times.
It's amazing how time flies. How memories pile up and weathers.
2013年3月7日木曜日
2013年3月6日水曜日
living in the moment
I liked this song the moment I heard it!
If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free
この人生が一つの劇だとして
なぜこんなに多くの罠を仕掛けてしまうんだろう
自分が歩む道の真ん中に
本当は自由になりたいだけなのに
I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me
あれもこれもといろいろ心配して日々を無駄にするのはやめよう
だって結局そんなこと起きないんだから
So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
どうせ分からないことはとりあえず置いとこう
これしか方法はないってわかってるから
Living in the moment
Living our life
Easy and breezy
With peace in our mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home
Living in the moment
今を生きる
自分の人生を
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
今を生きる
I'm letting myself off
the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
やってしまったことは忘れることにしよう
過去は過去として
そしたらもっと楽しくなった
I'm letting go of the thoughts
that do not make me strong
And I believe this way can
be the same for everyone
考えるのはやめよう
それで強くなれるわけじゃないなら
これはみんな同じなんじゃないかな
And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
僕が寝てしまったら
君が僕に思い出させてくれる
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home
今を生きることを
僕の人生を生きることを
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
I can't walk through life
facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied
the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
人生は後ろを向いて進むことはできない
試してみたけど
一度以上試したんだ、念のために
そしたら探していた未来はなかった
でも前を向いてみたら、もう辛くなかった
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home
今を生きれば
自分の人生を生きれば
気楽に、楽しく
心を穏やかにして
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh where ever I'm going
I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
今を生きてる
自分の人生を生きてる
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
僕は今を生きてる
If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free
この人生が一つの劇だとして
なぜこんなに多くの罠を仕掛けてしまうんだろう
自分が歩む道の真ん中に
本当は自由になりたいだけなのに
I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me
あれもこれもといろいろ心配して日々を無駄にするのはやめよう
だって結局そんなこと起きないんだから
So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
どうせ分からないことはとりあえず置いとこう
これしか方法はないってわかってるから
Living in the moment
Living our life
Easy and breezy
With peace in our mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home
Living in the moment
今を生きる
自分の人生を
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
今を生きる
I'm letting myself off
the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
やってしまったことは忘れることにしよう
過去は過去として
そしたらもっと楽しくなった
I'm letting go of the thoughts
that do not make me strong
And I believe this way can
be the same for everyone
考えるのはやめよう
それで強くなれるわけじゃないなら
これはみんな同じなんじゃないかな
And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
僕が寝てしまったら
君が僕に思い出させてくれる
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home
今を生きることを
僕の人生を生きることを
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
I can't walk through life
facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied
the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
人生は後ろを向いて進むことはできない
試してみたけど
一度以上試したんだ、念のために
そしたら探していた未来はなかった
でも前を向いてみたら、もう辛くなかった
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home
今を生きれば
自分の人生を生きれば
気楽に、楽しく
心を穏やかにして
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh where ever I'm going
I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
今を生きてる
自分の人生を生きてる
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
僕は今を生きてる
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