saying goodbye

Last semester, during one of our last classes, a nurse (Mrs. N) told us an episode about when her father passed away.  He said he wanted to die at home, so she and her family took care of him during the last couple of months.  When she knew that his life was almost coming to an end (I think her father had gone into a coma), she asked her mother if she wanted to put him on a drip to prolong his life.  Her mother asked how long it was going to extend his life, and when she heard it was only for a couple of days (or that in the worst case, it may shorten his life), she decided not to do any sort of life-prolonging treatment.

It was a difficult decision for Mrs. N to obey because she had seen many families ask to put the patient on a drip; it was their last hope - a hope they "should" hold on to.  But Mrs. N respected her mother's decision, and she was glad when her father finally passed away.  She had never seen a death so natural and beautiful.  Without life-prolonging treatment, a person could actually look beautiful at the last moment of his life.

Her brother had missed the moment but when he finally arrived, Mrs. N nor her mother told him that he was too late.  Soon, the doctor came to confirm the death.  He felt the pulse and looked at the eyes.  He glanced at his watch and told the family that their father/husband had died.  Mrs. N looked over at her brother and saw him nod.  He had managed to say goodbye.

Mrs. N told us that no matter what happened, the patient was still alive to the family until the doctor told them that the patient was dead.  It was very important for her brother to have had the chance to say goodbye.  It was a moment that changed his life - a life he might have had to live with regret turned into something positive when he managed to see his father off.

On a side note, two major kabuki actors died pretty recently, and I was surprised and a bit impressed about what the sons (who were kabuki actors themsleves) said when they were interviewed about their feelings on not having been there when their father passed away.  "He had always told us that if we were able to see him on his deathbed, that meant we were inadequate as actors."  They had been on stage when their father passed away.

The comment made me think that the last moment may not be as important as we usually regard it to be.  We get sensitive when it comes to firsts and lasts; I would definitely want to hear my parents' last words and would want to do whatever I can if they have any last wishes, but that's maybe because I don't pay enough attention to them in everyday life.  And it's that again - the importance to live life as if there's no tomorrow.