paradox of choice

A TED talk a friend recomended:
The Paradox of Choice: How we Create Misery

"Something as dramatic as our identity has now become a matter of choice.  We don't inherit an identity.  We get to invent it and re-invent ourselves as often as we like.  And that means when you wake up every morning you have to decide what kind of person you want to be."  Which means "life is a matter of choice."  But "choice produces paralysis rather than liberation.  With so many options to choose from, people find it very difficult to choose at all."  "Even if we manage to overcome the paralysis and make a choice, we end up less satisfied by the result of the choice than we would be if we had fewer options to choose from."

1. Regret and anticipated regret　(Opportunity costs)

"The way in which we value things depend on what we compare them to.  When there are lots of alternatives to consider, it is easy to imagine the attractive features of alternatives that you reject.  Which makes you less satisfied with the option you've chosen."

→"Opportunity costs subtract from the satisfaction we get out of what we choose, even when what we choose is terrific.  And the more options there are to consider the more attractive features of these options are going to be reflected by us as opportunity costs."

2. Escalation of expectations

"The reason everything was better back when everything was worse is that when everything was worse, it was actually possible for people to have experiences that were a pleasant surprise."

→Having too many choices causes escalation of expectations, which reduces our satisfaction (reduces our ability to value the good we have).

"The secret to happiness is low expectations."

3. Self-blame (depression)

"One consequence of buying a bad fitting pair of jeans when there is only one kind to buy, is that when you're dissatisfied and you ask why, who's responsible, the answer is clear.  The world is responsible.  What could you do?  When there are hundreds of options available and when you buy one that is disappointing, and you ask, why, who's responsible it is equally clear that the answer is you.  You could've done better.  ...There is no excuse for failure."

→"When people make decisions, and (even though the results of the decisions are good,) they feel disappointed about them, they blame themselves."

Conclusion:

"The Official Dogma: maximizing welfare by maximizing freedom of choice, is NOT TRUE.
There is no question that some choice is better than none.  But it doesn't follow from that that more choice is better than less choice.  There is some magical amount, I don't know what it is, ...we have long since passed the point where options improve our welfare"

→Some option is good, beyond that it does not serve the welfare.

"Excess causes misery."

~ Barry Schwartz


Having a mother who regrets her decision the moment she makes it, and a father who almost never looks back, and being a hybrid myself, I don't think it's human nature to have all the problems the speaker points out.  I don't think there is a magical number of options that would make us happy.  It's just that the grass is always greener on the other side.  If I really think about it, I would probably take freedom (excess choice) even if it came with responsibility.  I guess the problem rather lies in the way we react to excess choices.  But how easy is it to change your decision making process?

I think this kind of problem never happens with people like my dad.  When he decides to do something, he focuses on only that - he knows how to live in the moment.  And when he chooses something, he never looks back at the alternatives, because those alternatives are, in many cases, no longer available (because of timing, financial reasons, time restrictions, etc).  It is nonsense to dwell over something you cannot do anything about.  When he does regret, he compares the option he chose with an alternative that would've caused a worse result.  Our decisions are not necessarily based on sufficient amount of information - there are again time restrictions, and of course we can't be a specialist in every area; the alternative options we think might've been better might've been worse in reality.

So there are ways not to be depressed by excess amount of options, and I think I should try to follow the below:

1. Decide how important that decision is
2. Decide how much time I'm going to use to make that particular decision
3. Make the decision; after choosing an option, do not look back unless other options are still available and worth considering
4. Remember that regrets do not make life better.  By choosing to spend time regretting, I'm letting go of new chances to encounter/realize something that is more important to me.  Learn what I can and move on
5. Live in the moment