ex

When I was heading for the station today, I realized that a cafe had closed.  It was where I had met my ex last before he returned to the States.  When I said I was busy studying for my coming exams, he said he didn't mind coming to my nearest station.  We ordered hot drinks and talked about our respective future plans.  I asked him if he had enjoyed his time in Japan.  It was raining outside.

He was probably my first love - the first person I ever cried over.  I still think I might've been in love with love, or that I just wanted someone to lean on; maybe it didn't have to be him.  I don't know.  But I did like him a lot.

Maybe he didn't see it because I was never ready to sleep with him.  I still remember how I felt he was being sarcastic when I asked if he didn't feel my love in the texts I sent him.

We had our first fight towards the end of the relationship.  We were walking up the stairs - the one that leads to the JR ticket barrier at the Shinjuku south exit. It was Christmas but I was pissed off from the moment we got together (for several good reasons) and although things did get better after we had dinner, we got into a small fight.  I thought he lacked respect; he thought I was being persistent.  And it made him so uncomfortable that he said he had to go home to skype his mom. He always had to skype his mom. Which was something I honestly liked about him until that moment...  Well actually, I think he said he had to skype his mom even before we got into the fight, but anyway, that was the last time I met him while we were dating.

It was four months later that he decided to return to America and sent me a text so we could meet up.  After we left the cafe, I walked him to the station and we exchanged our final farewells.  No hug, no tears.  I didn't even recall how I was embarrassed when he suddenly hugged me on the platform after our first date.

Fast forward another ten months and the cafe had been closed.  Nothing except for the shop sign was left.  The buzzing of people, the smell of coffee, the colorful cupcakes, the music from the stereo, the guitar players sitting outside - all that had once been there had disappeared.  And I felt slightly sad and nostalgic as I hastily walked by the building this morning just like I had done so many times.

It's amazing how time flies.  How memories pile up and weathers.