waiting

Waiting can be very romantic.  I'm a sucker for scenes in movies where they just show images of characters waiting -- pacing up and down, or sitting by the window, or making themselves busy with whatever work they have to do as the season changes.

While I was writing my New Year's cards, my mother was enjoying some music from the 1960-70s.  Many were Japanese folk songs which I realized were often NOT about love, but about general hardships in life.  I liked it because I sometimes feel like the importance of finding love is overrated.  But at the same time, my favorite happened to be a love song:

Mr. Postman

(Stop) 　待って
Oh yes, wait a minute Mr Postman 　そう、ちょっと待って郵便屋さん
(Wait) 　待って
Wait Mr Postman 　待ってよ郵便屋さん

*Please Mr Postman, look and see 　お願い郵便屋さん、見てみて
(Oh yeah)
If there's a letter in your bag for me 　私宛の手紙がその袋に入ってないか
(Please, Please Mr Postman)
Why's it taking such a long time 　なんでそんなに時間がかかってるのかな
(Oh yeah)
For me to hear from that boy of mine 　彼からの手紙が届くのが

There must be some word today　今日こそは一言あるはずなの
From my boyfriend so far away 　すごく遠くにいる彼から
Please Mr Postman, look and see 　お願い郵便屋さん、見てみて
If there's a letter, a letter for me 　私宛の手紙がないか

I've been standing here waiting Mr Postman 　私ずっと立って待ってるのよ、郵便屋さん
So patiently 　こんなに辛抱強く
For just a card, or just a letter 　ただのカードか手紙を
Saying he's returning home to me 　もうすぐ戻るという彼の言葉を

repeat *

So many days you passed me by 　あなたは何日も私を素通りした
See the tears standing in my eyes 　私の目に浮かぶ涙が見えるのに
You didn't stop to make me feel better 　私を慰めるために立ち止まって
By leaving me a card or a letter 　カードか手紙を届けてはくれなかった

repeat *

(Why don't you check it and see one more time for me, you gotta) 　もう一度見てみて、お願い
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
(Mr Postman)
Mr Postman, look and see

(C'mon deliver the letter, the sooner the better) 　早く手紙を届けて、できるだけ早く
Mr Postman

 

I just love the lyrics.  In the age of emails and Facebook, I don't think we get to savor this kind of waiting experience where our hearts swell with anticipation, or the special joy that comes after the long waiting, or even the warmth of unfolding a letter.  Songs like this remind me of the feeling of deep gratitude I guess we all used to have for being able to connect with someone.

大切な人からの手紙を楽しみに待つ時間。便箋を手にした時のぬくもり。つながることができたことへの感動と感謝の気持ち。孤独に耐えてこその喜びがそこにはあったんじゃないかと思わされるこの歌。メールもSNSもない時代は今よりずいぶんロマンチックだったんだろうな。

bones

骨 Bones

死んだあとでも楽しめるように
墓石に点数を彫ろう
前衛的だと君は笑った
たぶんほめてくれてるんだろう

So that I can enjoy myself after I die
I'm going to keep score on my gravestone
"Sounds avant-garde," you chuckled
Probably a compliment

生活や、学問や、あるいは恋において
気まぐれな思い付きが
わたしを立たせている

About life or wisdom or perhaps about love
Random thoughts are what help me stand on my feet

それはまるで骨のように
わたしを通る強い直線
それはまるで骨のように
私を燃やして残るもの

Just like a bone
It's a strong line that penetrates me
Just like bones
They will remain when I'm burned into ashes

生きる間も手抜きせぬように
墓石に点数を彫ろう
受けて立とうと君は笑った
たぶん本気で楽しむんだろう

So that we won't be lazy while we're alive
Let's keep score on our gravestone
"Challenge accpted," you chuckled
You're probably really going to enjoy it

国籍や、性別や、あるいは肌の色や
様々な枠組みが
わたしを作っている

Nationality, sex, or perhaps the color of skin
A variety of framework make me the person I am

それはまるで繭のように
私を守る柔らかな鎧
それはまるで繭のように
わたしを包んで育むもの

Just like a cocoon
It's a soft armer that protects me
Just like a cocoon
It embraces me and lets me grow

後ろめたさを引きずって
楽しめない愚か者
全力で快楽を受け止めて
つぶされずに生きていけるように

Unable to get over guilt
I'm a fool who can't enjoy
Trying to take the pleasure with all my strength
So I can live on without being crushed


I don't know the band.  I just saw them on TV the other night just before snuggling into bed, and thought, wow, I can really relate to this -- in a very... unique way.  Except that I don't keep score on my gravestone. I write a blog instead.

diaphragm

I just came back from a concert.  I actually didn't know the singer very well; there were only two songs that I knew.  One of them was this: アイ(Ai=love)  To me, it was probably the highlight of the whole concert, not because it was one of his most famous songs but because my diaphragm fell into a fit of convulsions.  That's what happens when you try to hold back a cough.  The thing is, I caught a cold last Thursday and although I'm recovering, I still sometimes have to cough.  And it came when he was almost half way through the song - it was a very quiet song, so it was obvious that a cough would annoy the audiences around me.  I didn't know if I would be able to stop it once I started coughing, so I just tried to hold it back, and soon, my diaphragm went into a sort of spasm - or so it felt like.  At one point, I thought I was going to throw up or something.  Towards the end of the song, all I was thinking was, just hurry up and finish that verse so I can cough.  The concert was great nonetheless.  And it was a fantastic cough when I was finally able to let it out.

sakura

When I logged in today, I noticed two comments.  It was totally unexpected.  Just for the record, the statistics say that this blog has had 262 visits from Japan (though this is probably counting my own visits too), 118 from America, 83 from Germany, 25 from Korea, 24 from Russia, 8 from the Czech Republic, 8 from the UK, 7 from France, 4 from Malaysia, and 2 from the Netherlands.  I'm not writing this blog for anyone, but it's still nice to know someone finds my writings worth reading and commenting on.

While I was on the plane today, I was listening to a program featuring "sakura songs".  I didn't even know there was such a word, but according to the DJ, it's a relatively new word.  In the early 2000s, a song called Sakura written by Naotaro Moriyama （さくら） became a million seller, and since then many singers started writing songs featuring the flower.  Up till then, sakura was never a common theme in J-pop.

This is pretty interesting because sakura was the most commonly used flower in Japanese classic literature.  People from the Heian era wrote poems after poems featuring sakura.  Since it blooms only for a short period of time, it was thought as a symbol of fragility/frailness and transiency of life/beauty/power.  It was also commonly associated with manly/graceful behavior from the way the petals fall rather quickly - when the time comes, they die out without lingering attachment.

 

 

These are some sakura songs that I like:

 

河口恭吾(Kyogo Kawaguchi)：  桜(sakura)

aiko：  桜の時（sakura no toki / the sakura season)

アンジェラ・アキ(Angela Aki)：  サクラ色（sakura-iro / the color of sakura)

 

Enjoy!

sorting

The Japanese obstetrics and gynecology association is currently making a guideline upon introducing a new type of prenatal diagnosis which will enable pregnant women to check their baby's disorder with a simple blood test.

I will probably ask for it if I ever become pregnant, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to have to choose what to do with my baby if she/he turned out to have a disorder.  I personally think prenatal diagnosis was one of the things that shouldn't have been developed.  If there were only one choice - to give birth and see, no one would have to face the difficulty of deciding whether or not to kill her baby.

I saw a brief documentary on Nobuyuki Tsujii (a blind pianist) just thirty minutes ago, and his beautiful music made me think about all this.  No one knew what he would become, but if his parents had decided not to have him, the world would have been a less beautiful place without his music.

Of course it's not that simple.  I could never imagine how difficult it is to bring up a disabled child.  Not every child with a disorder is born with a talent that would feed himself a lifetime.  But if we kept sorting babies according to their disorders, the world would keep losing its tolerance towards diversity.  It would be so much better if we could make a society where everyone - disabled or not - could live without worrying about how to support themselves after their parents die.  Though I know it's difficult because the disabled are, after all, the minority.  And the prenatal diagnosis would probably put them in a worse position.

Still, living with the wrong genes doesn't automatically mean it will make you unhappy.  It's just... challenging.  Tests only tell us about genes.  You never know if the child is going to be unhappy.  Our happiness can't be defined by our genes.

Or maybe it can.  Some people have happy-prone genes while others don't.  So are we supposed to sort our babies according to that happy gene?  Is it really the happy gene that keeps you happy?

Either way, if you haven't heard Nobuyuki Tsujii's piano, I absolutely love this piece: The Angel's Wing of Rockfeller Center

living in the moment

I liked this song the moment I heard it!

If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

この人生が一つの劇だとして
なぜこんなに多くの罠を仕掛けてしまうんだろう
自分が歩む道の真ん中に
本当は自由になりたいだけなのに

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me

あれもこれもといろいろ心配して日々を無駄にするのはやめよう
だって結局そんなこと起きないんだから

So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by

どうせ分からないことはとりあえず置いとこう
これしか方法はないってわかってるから

Living in the moment
Living our life
Easy and breezy
With peace in our mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home
Living in the moment

今を生きる
自分の人生を
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
今を生きる

I'm letting myself off
the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun

やってしまったことは忘れることにしよう
過去は過去として
そしたらもっと楽しくなった

I'm letting go of the thoughts
that do not make me strong
And I believe this way can
be the same for everyone

考えるのはやめよう
それで強くなれるわけじゃないなら
これはみんな同じなんじゃないかな

And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me

僕が寝てしまったら
君が僕に思い出させてくれる

To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home

今を生きることを
僕の人生を生きることを
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに

I can't walk through life
facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied
the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more

人生は後ろを向いて進むことはできない
試してみたけど
一度以上試したんだ、念のために
そしたら探していた未来はなかった
でも前を向いてみたら、もう辛くなかった

By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Where ever I'm going
I'm already home

今を生きれば
自分の人生を生きれば
気楽に、楽しく
心を穏やかにして
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh where ever I'm going
I'm already home
I'm living in the moment

今を生きてる
自分の人生を生きてる
気楽に、楽しく
心穏やかに
どこへ行こうとも
家にいるように穏やかに
僕は今を生きてる