letting go

I started taking piano lessons when I was four.  I used to play the white piano in the living room (the previous owner had painted it white) maybe not every day, but often enough to impress friendly guests.  My mom was pretty strict; she sat by my side and watched me practice.  It was only a couple of times, but she hit me when I lost my temper and started crying during our practice sessions.

When we moved back to Japan, my parents bought me a brand new piano.  A black one with a silent mode so I could practice whenever I wanted.  My mom no longer sat beside me.  She came with me for lessons but eventually, I learned to get on the train by myself.  I don't know how many pieces I practiced.  Burgmuller, Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Chopin...  I sat in front of the piano and practiced until I graduated high school.

I stopped playing when I got in college.  The guitar I had started in high school had become my new mate.  A couple of years later, my dad asked if he could sell the piano.  "Do you realize how much space it's taking?  You don't even play it anymore."

I asked him to wait.  My mom said he was cold-hearted.  "How could you say such a thing; it's full of memories!"

"Memories?  But she doesn't play it anymore."  You could see he didn't give a damn about our memories.

I read a book about 断捨離(dan-sha-ri) yesterday, and the above incident suddenly came back to me.  As far as I know, my piano is still lying in the living room back at home.  But according to the dan-sha-ri spirit, my dad's suggestion of selling it seems like a very good idea.

The kanji in dan-sha-ri all represent similar concepts: 断(to stop), 捨(to throw away), 離(to part).  When put together, they mean "letting go".  It's a way of life that helps you accept yourself the way you are.  All you have to do is throw away everything that you don't need.  The things that surround you all represent your thoughts and feelings as well as concepts you acquire over time.  We usually don't realize it but there are many things that are actually unnecessary to us.

When you have something (or some concept, or some kind of connection) you want to throw away but still feel like you can't, it's important to think about why you don't want to throw it away, because when you see the reason, the meaning of keeping that certain thing can disappear. You might see yourself being obsessed with your past glories/regrets or what other people think.

Dan-sha-ri is a process of getting yourself back.  Abundance spoils your ability to sense what you truly value.  When you practice dan-sha-ri, you realize who you really are.  The focus is not on the thing you're about to throw away (or keep) but your current self.  It's about what you want/need now.

One of the common reasons why it can be hard to throw an item away is because the standard is your past/future self.  You want to throw it away but you can't either because it was something that meant so much to you *in the past*, or because you might really need it *in the future* (in which case you might be even choosing a future that requires that item - and no, the writer was not just talking about her deceased father's portable toilet her mother was obsessed about).

It's important to focus on the present because you're not living the past or the future.  A pretty obvious fact.  But there's always the anxiety that you may never be able to get that item again once you let it go (be it materials/data you use at work, pictures of your ex, or a stamp collection you started when you were a kid).  That's because we unconsciously paint our future with anxiety.  When an item reminds us of happy moments, we think we might forget them once we throw it away, or that we may never encounter that kind of moment again.  In the future, you might never have the same energy to gather the materials you're about to throw away.  The past seems like the best because we don't trust our future.

But trusting our future is not the same as having high expectations.  Your future is always something neutral.  It's just a blank canvas that can turn into any color

Then how can you trust that blank canvas?  The key is to trust yourself. Then how do you do that?  Dan-sha-ri says one way is to surround yourself with what you feel comfortable.  If something makes you feel uncomfortable, accept that negative feeling and let it go.  Through dan-sha-ri, you will realize what is really valuable to you, and by surrounding yourself with what is left, you will find a sense of confidence.

When you make decisions, you must be true to yourself.  We all tend to think what is good, what it bad, what is right, what is wrong - our brain gets in the way.  But it's always best to listen to what your heart says.

By practicing dan-sha-ri, you let go of things and in turn get yourself back.  You become free.  Free from all the human ties, concepts and expectations.  It will help you live yourself in the moment, and eventually enable you to accept things the way they are.  You will be okay no matter what happens.

So... what should I do about my piano?  Let my dad throw it away?  My dad probably doesn't even know the word dan-sha-ri, but his whole character is sort of dan-sha-ri-ish.  He knows what he likes and what he wants.  He is ready to accept any consequence once he makes a choice.

I might try dan-sha-ri for a while and see what happens.