on death and dying

Death is just a moment when dying ends

-Montaigne

Finished reading On Death and Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  It's a study on death and dying -- how each individual patient copes with his last yet greatest ordeal in life.  It contains many dialogues between the interviewers (the author with the hospital chaplain) and the patient who found  the interviews as a chance to let out their suppressed concerns and emotions as well as to teach the medical professionals and pass something on.

Several things I want to remember (mostly from the last two chapters):

1. Terminally ill patients are aware of the seriousness of their illness whether they are told or not.  Those who are not told explicitly know it anyway from the implicit messages or altered behavior of relatives and staff.  Those who are told explicitly appreciate it unless they are told coldly and without preparation or follow-up, or in a manner that leaves no hope.

2. Leave hope when telling the truth.  No matter the stage of illness or coping mechanisms used, all patients maintain some form of hope until the last moment.

3. We have to take a good hard look at our own attitude towards death and dying before we can sit quietly and without anxiety next to a terminally ill patient.  The most important thing is to let him know that we are ready and willing to share some of his concerns.

4. For the patient death itself is not the problem, but dying is feared because of the accompanying sense of hopelessness, helplessness, and isolation.

5. Dying patients has the need ro leave something behind.  They want something that will continue to live perhaps after their death and become immortal in a little way.

On a side note, the Japanese translation of the title is 死ぬ瞬間 which literally means "the moment of death".  I haven't read the translation so I'm not sure what the translator meant but this book is not about the moment of death; it's about the suffering and eventual acceptance that comes before that moment in life; it's more about dying - the last process of living - than about death itself.  But then again, I think there's no such word as "dying" in Japanese.  Interesting.