patience and tolerance

An old draft -- posting because it reminds me of important stuff:

I've noticed lately that it gets harder and harder to stay friends with some people from high school.  After all, you're not in the same school anymore.  You start going different ways and your perspective changes.

My current best friend O from high school was not my "best friend" when we were in school.  We became closer after graduation because our life stages and our basic attitude towards life and work happened to match.  We once agreed that other people's happy rosey stories could sometimes be hurtful when your life was not going well, and O has opened up to me even more ever since. 

I have a bitter memory from a couple of years ago (which I think I've written about before): I met up with another friend from high school and she made me feel like the ugliest living being on earth.  She was happy with a bright career, a caring talented boyfriend, and talked about her future daughter who she hoped would model for her painter husband -- while I, on the other hand, had nothing but a new dream.  I wanted to be happy for her; I wanted to stop comparing and just be happy for this happy friend but I couldn't do anything about my ugly feelings.

Obviously, there are ups and downs in life.  I'm not going to break a friendship every time I feel left behind.  I've noticed that avoiding certain people during certain times is one way to keep peace.  But apparently, the reason we compare ourselves with others in the first place is because we're arrogant and we forget to appreciate what we have.  I didn't think I exactly lacked appreciation when my heart turned ugly, but I definitely wasn't happy with my own life, which might mean I did lack appreciation.

So why wasn't I happy?  The question reminds me of what my professor in grad school said to us in our first Chinese politics class:

勉強の肝は「わからない状態に耐える力」である。今までは何でもすぐに理解できたかもしれないが、勉強が高度になればなるほどわからないことがたくさん出てくる。その時に、性急に答えを求めずに耐えることを覚えなければならない。
What you have to take to heart is "the power to endure when you don't understand".  The more complicated your studies become, the more you will encounter things you don't understand.  Do not hurry to the answer when that happens; endure the situation.

I guess the important part was that he was talking to students who had always been able to get to answers fairly easily and thus lacked patience.  He was warning us that that was not always going to work from now on.

I actually still tend to hurry to get to answers; it's almost like I fear the state of not being able to understand.  And maybe that is reflected in my whole attitude towards what I aim in life -- if I want something, I want it now (which ironically shows how lucky I've been).  But if I could grow this "power to endure", I will probably appreciate everything I already understand, everything I already have, and be happy even when I can't have what I want.