ocd & perfectionism

If anyone remembers the post about my perfectionism, I am still suffering the same "symptoms" though they have become better gradually.  I'm doing psychiatry right now at school and have come to the conclusion that I am a borderline OCD-related perfectionist.  When I realized my "symptoms" were OCD-ish the other day, I looked up "OCD and perfectionism" right away, and the articles that came up made me feel like I had finally found someone who understood me.  Whenever I looked up perfectionism, the descriptions never felt quite "right", nor did the descriptions of OCD.  I don't know why I never linked the two together until now.

Here are some abstracts from the articles:

OCD & Perfectionism

OCD leads you to think too much and this leads you to compulsions. Set a timer and when the alarm goes off, be impulsive and stop what you are doing. Go do something else. Plan ahead so that you know what is next on your schedule. You can say something like: “This will need to be good enough right now. Tomorrow I’ll pick up from here.”
→ I have been trying something similar over and over for the past year!

 “Part of who I am is my perfectionism. I’ll lose my identity. I want to continue to achieve, be organized, be detail-oriented, and be determined. I don’t what to change who I am.”
→ I have said this before more than once!

Refocusing on what matters in your life can be helpful.  Life is meant to be enjoyed despite mistakes and problems.  At the end of the day, what do you really care about? If it is happiness through perfection, you may wish to refocus and resolve that happiness is a state of being and mind. It’s an attitude.  You can choose to obsess, redo, and worry. Or you can chose to spend your time on what really matters.
→ This is exactly what I have been saying to myself for the past year!

Perfectionism: Are you sure it pays off?

Perfectionists report that they usually are identified by others as being detail oriented
→ I don't know how many times my parents have told me not to focus on the details!

Everything is Equally Important: Because perfectionists want to do everything well, they have a difficult time prioritizing tasks.  All tasks seem equally important, and the same level of detail, effort and energy is brought to all tasks.  If you asked a perfectionist to identify some tasks to complete at 100%, some at 80%, and some at 50% they have a difficult time moving tasks out of the 100% category.
→ This is exactly my problem!

if you projected yourself into the future and look back, what would you like for your life to have stood for?  What do you want to be remembered for?  Based on this then, one begins to form their A list (tasks to be completed at or near 100%), a B list (tasks completed at 80%), a C List (tasks completed at 50%), and an F List (what to let go).
→ Again, I have been trying to do this for the past couple of months!

Repetition Until it Feels/Looks/Sounds “Right”:  Because tasks have to be without mistakes and feel/look/sound “right”, perfectionists tend to over edit, review, and repeat compulsively.  This behavior is also intermittently reinforced as a teacher or boss will say that it was the best paper/report in the class/office.  It is unacceptable for a perfectionist to let others see “rough drafts” or “works in progress”.
→ This is another problem of mine!

OCD and Perfectionism

Finally, unhealthy OCD perfectionism may help to perpetuate obsessions. For instance, like many people with OCD you might believe that you must have complete control over your thoughts. As such, when a bizarre or distressing thought pops intrusively into your mind, you label these thoughts as dangerous because they are out of your control. This causes you to monitor the thought even more closely, which can help to create an obsession.
→ I could never decribe this symptom better!

Practice Giving up Control: As part of cognitive-behavior therapy and/or exposure and response prevention therapy, you may be asked to participate in exercises designed to build your capacity to tolerate a loss of control. This can involve being prevented from checking something or adjusting something until it is "just right." Although this can initially be extremely distressing, over time you will gain more confidence in your ability to tolerate a loss of control.
Adopt a Mindful Stance: Mindfulness emphasizes being less “invested” in our thoughts. Accepting that we have less control than we think over our thoughts can be very helpful in reducing the distress that often accompanies intrusive thoughts. Mindfulness meditation exercises can help to promote a more objective awareness of our day-to-day thoughts and emotions.
→ This is exactly what I need!

Anyway, if anyone reading this feels like they're reading about themselves, here is a list of signs that show you may have OCD-related perfectionism.  In my case, sign#3 (rereading passages multiple times in order to make sure I’ve understood them properly) began to surface when I started studying for university entrance exams and instead of avoiding to read (like it says in sign#4), I read and read and read, trying to overcome the symptom and actually, it kind of worked, though I'm still super slow with calculations -- I was by far the slowest in class when we had to do a speed calculation test for our pharmacology experiment.  Also, when I understand something too quickly (especially when others seem to have difficulty) I tend to doubt that I really understand it; I keep asking myself if I really thought it over and understood it "fully" and it's really tiring because I never know what the "full comprehension" is or what it feels like, and even if there is such a thing, I know it is often times not required to be able to "function".  The passage below almost gives me a sense of relief!

Even though your mind seems to tell you there is such thing as “achieving perfection,” don’t believe it! Your OCD is lying. Sometimes clients say, “There are times I feel like I’ll turn over the leaf of uncertainty once and for all.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen.

The reason I say I have "borderline" OCD (when it definitely has caused some pretty strong anxieties) is that I usually don't care that much about what others think of me and thus I don't have a morbid fear of making mistakes, nor have I missed a deadline due to procrastination or the all-or-nothing spirit described repeatedly in the articles.  In short, my OCD has not quite bothered me to the extent of getting in the way of my necessary work.

I must say, however, that I am very glad to have reached a "perfect diagnosis".