Another old draft (I've been sorting out my drafts lately):
I daydream daily. And I sometimes imagine myself being a mother of a small child with only a month left to live. Of course it's not a very nice scenario, and I have no plan or possibility of becoming a mother in the near future, but I've daydreamed about this situation a couple of times. I think it's because it gives me a rather new perspective. It makes me think about what is really important to me when I think about what kind of message I would want to leave my child. This is the list for now, but I actually think it would be a good idea to update it occasionally.
1. Always keep in mind what is truly important to you.
Your time is limited. If you choose to do one thing, you lose the opportunity to do another. Choosing means dumping. So in order to live a good life, you need the courage to dump, and for that, you need to know what is important and what is less important to you.
Knowing what is important also helps you control your emotions because you wouldn't be influenced by small things that may go wrong. If you're depressed, always ask yourself if it's something really important to you. If you're hit by failure, think about why that matters. What's your ultimate goal in life? When you feel like everything's over, try to imagine the bigger picture.
Know what is truly important to you, and it will lead you to the best decision.
2. Accept yourself for who you are. Mistakes and all.
Life is a constant process of making decisions. You are made by the decisions you've made. But you can't always make the best decision. There will be some decisions that you regret later, or those that you regret even while making them. Sometimes you know you will regret it later and still make that decision. It's difficult to always do your best. But that's okay. Even if you made a stupid decision, that was the best you could do. And the current you is the best you could've been. Don't think about the could've's and might've's.
3. Try to do your best but accept your limitations.
Doing your best can be somewhat frightful. What if your efforts don't pay off? What if you only end up proving yourself (and others) that you're no good? What if everything turns out to be a waste? All these questions are normal, but you just have try, because that's the only way you're going to know what you're good at. You can't win without fighting. And if you keep fighting, you might win in the end. But if you face your limitations, be brave enough to give up and accept that limitation.
If that's what you really like though (maybe to the extent that you do it because there's no other choice), stick to it, no matter what. Because one day, everything is going to disappear -- this whole universe and all -- and when that happens, all that matters is how much you cherished every moment.
4. Nothing has to be perfect.
1. to 3. might be summed up to this. If you realize that you're looking for perfection, let it go. Always remember to look at the big picture -- what is truly important to you and why. You can't get everything. In the end, nothing is permanent anyway, and keeping that in mind also may help you be tolerant towards yourself and others. Appreciate what you have now. Don't take "ordinary" things for granted. Love yourself for who you are now; not for what you hope to be in the future.
5. Learn a foreign language. And be fluent if possible.
Your thoughts are made of words. Language shapes your thoughts. Learning a foreign language gives you another world to live in, another perspective that would save you, and countless discoveries you would never have experienced with your mother tongue, because by learning a foreign language, you can experience another culture from the inside. If you become fluent, it's almost like getting another brain.
Fluency comes from reading and writing. Write, write, write. Get used to thinking in that language.
6. Read books.
If you have a question, someone else probably has the same question. And that someone could even be from another country, another age. Some people keep records of their thoughts and some of them get published. Almost every question is answered somewhere by someone in the way that would convince you. Search for it. Keep searching until you either find the answer in a book or inside yourself. Writings that is seemingly unrelated to your current question will help you anyway in the future so don't worry if you think it's a waste of time.
7. Learn an instrument.
Living in the moment may be easily said than done. Music can almost give you a blank state of mind and a very emotional experience all at the same time. It helps you develop concentration -- the power to concentrate on this moment now. Maybe it's a form of meditation; when you focus all your nerves to your fingers and the sounds they make, there's no space for random thoughts that distract you during other activities. And last but not least, music is borderless.
8. Eat well and excercise regularly.
A sane mind comes from a sane body. Our bodies are made of what we eat and how we use it. The brain is influenced by glucose level, hormones, and other chemical substance. Good meals are essential. Better if combined with good conversation. And since body muscles are as important as brain muscles, make excercise a habit. Playing sports also has the same effect as learning an instrument.
9. If all the above does not work, and one day, you feel like death is the only choice, get something to eat and get some sleep. No alcohol.
The reason is simple: no decision made under hunger, lack of sleep, or intoxication is good enough.
10. If you wake up in the morning, and your feeling hasn't changed, stop focusing on yourself.
Finding your own happiness is not the only goal in your life. Live to make others happy. There is always someone in need of good company -- someone who needs another person who really understands his hardships. If you're thrown down to the point of wanting to die, you will know what you can do for him.
Dying is never too late. So leave that option for later. Don't dwell on things you can't do anything about. Even amidst regret, jealousy and despair, there is something you can do. It may seem trifle; it might be something anyone can do. But live until you find it. Because eventually, you will find it, and it will mean something to someone else.
このコメントは投稿者によって削除されました。
返信削除Continuation of last comment:
返信削除I really like this article. Although I could tell you were exceptionally intelligent just by the way you order your thoughts in some of your other writings, and by just being a medical student, what I had not realized until this article, was your exceptional degree of introspection. Although many people eventually develop this after many decades of experience in life, by your being a medical student, I assume you are still young. This is what makes your introspection so exceptional. This has given you wisdom before your time.
I say this not to flatter. I know that in some cultures, flattery is a method of getting close before, metaphorically, stabbing the person in the heart...or even worse, in the back. To be flattered, especially publicly, is to be profoundly insulted. This means that the flatterer assumes you to be so stupid as to fall prey to such transparent means of manipulation. So then, why had I said what I had said...and so publicly? I will state the obvious first. A blog is by its very nature, in the public eye. Your articles are not just a means of self expression, but a way to help influence others to see, and live, a better way of life. Although I have inadvertently alienated many people in my life because of my frankness, I have found that to delay the almost inevitable divergence of people because of intellectual inflexibility on at least one of their parts, to be a profound waste of our most valuable commodity in life...that of time. I have found that to lay out all the cards on the table at once, is to eventually garner true trust in others. Good people eventually see that you hold no evil ulterior motives, and so, true discourse may take place.
I needed to establish a clean slate from which I may operate. I needed you to know that I do appreciate the depth at which you operate. And so, the reason that what I had said was not flattery.
As part of open and honest discourse, I will say the points I agree with, and the ones I do not agree with, and, most importantly, why.
I have had many people get angry at me because I bring up a point counter to theirs, even though I had supported my point with reason. I hope this will not happen here. In you, I hope to find a kindred spirit with whom I may not only discuss openly the many topics you bring forth in your blog, but from whom I will not receive signs that I do so for some ulterior motive.
From your writings, I see that we think alike in so many ways. However, we operate from two very different bases.
You are, and soon will be even more so, very highly educated. Doctors are some of the most highly trained people in the world. You are also highly intelligent. To have your wisdom at such a young age, you simply must be so.
I am neither highly educated, nor am I especially intelligent. I am a very simple man with very simple thoughts. I say this not to present the face of false modesty, and so, to flatter myself. It is to give perspective for what I say.
I tend to leave long comments on some articles, only because there are many things I wish to say on these same articles if I see there is something which strikes me as needing to be said. I have actually been kicked off various forums and have been asked to no longer comment on some blogs partly because of this. Being a medical student, I know you are busy. I know I cannot expect to have long replies as a result. I also know some see a dissection of their articles as a nuisance, some even perceive me as arrogant when I do so. I would think that a blog writer would appreciate someone taking to heart their writings and looking at what is said, and what is not said, and the implications of their thoughts.
I cannot believe this...I ran out of characters again :)
The continuation is in the next comment.
Sorry, in the last comment I had accidently copied everything so it is not a continuation as is this:
返信削除It is in this spirit that I would like to comment on your articles. I will not always agree with certain thoughts, but I will always explain why. On some points you bring up, I would like to elaborate and expand upon, only because I blog for the same reason as I perceive you do. I wish to help others, and to connect with them at a deeper level than what most people are willing to do in a face to face meeting.
And so, I lay out my cards on the table. I will await your reply to this comment before I make a comment on this article. I will take you at your word if you say you would like me to comment...knowing that I do so to a greater extent than do most. And, of course, I welcome any comments, at whatever length or depth you wish to make, on my blog. I actually prefer someone who will attempt to dissect my article and to question my thoughts.
Tora, thank you for your sincere comment. I actually take pretty much everything at face value. And since you have made it so clear that what you said is not flattery, I don't know if this is the right word, but I'm flattered. Quite a few people have told me that I do have a knack for writing but I'm not as intelligent as you probably think I am. I'm very average -- or at least that's what I think.
削除Since I figure your comment was to warn me that your comment on this article may offend me, it actually kind of scares me. But I do appreciate your good intentions and I suppose the reason I keep my writings public is because I want to hear opinions from people like you. So please do comment :) I would love to know what you think. (And of course you don't have to make it mellow just because I said I didn't want to be hurt.) I might not be able to respond right away but that's just because I'm hitting the books for my exam.
Good, I wanted to make sure that my comments were not unwelcome.
返信削除No, my last comment was not to warn of impending rudeness on my part. I just wanted to set the tone for future comments, of how we may diverge on issues.
So, onwards to this article by the numbers:
1) I agree with you. What many people don't realize, because they have been marketed to by agenda driven groups, is that we cannot have it all...at least, not at the same time. There is a finite quantity of materials, money, and especially...time. It is when people divide their time too much, when they strive for quantity without worry over the quality, that they end up with mediocrity.
I think that many people feel lost because they have never known what is really important in life to them. Although I know that there are real cases of clinical depression as a result of neurochemical imbalances...I think for the great majority of people who think they are clinically depressed, it is simple justified depression as a natural result of their situation. Most of these types have not set up their lives for success because of their earlier hedonistic patterns (wanting to play video games instead of studying as an example, and then finding out that many opportunities in life have passed them by. When they see their former friends pass them and move on, they feel depressed. Of course, it is situational depression. A person shouldn't feel good in such circumstances. However, the negative reinforcement should provide the person with the realization for the need for change. It is a signal to them that to alliviate the depression, they need to seek higher education so they may change their circumstance. The idea is not to make yourself artificially feel better through psychotherapy or through pharmacology (I know this is not what you were getting at...but I thought it should be said). To do so would be analogous to someone having their hand on a hot plate and seeking pain relief through analgesics instead of simply removing their hand from the hot plate. Many people look to the outside instead of looking inward to finding their direction in life, and simply putting together a viable plan for their future, and sticking to it.
I think the main problem many people have starts early in life. It was said in your first sentence. Our time is limited. I think that people don't look realistically at how little time we actually have in life...that it is finite...that we only have ONE chance to live it. Were people to look at death as inevitable, they would see the actual time line which opportunity for a good life manifests itself. This would give all a sense of urgency to live life fully.
By doing as you had done as stated in your preface, by looking forward and seeing a situation where you are forced to prioritize, a path for life may be realized.
2) I agree with you...partially. Yes, by looking back...and this is important...honestly at your life, and you had seen that you simply did not have the variables to render the appropriate decisions, then, yes, you may forgive yourself and move on. However, to look back and to honestly see your shortcomings, things you could have done better, is to improve yourself for the future. The could haves' and would haves' are a necessary part of a true look at one's self. Without them, you cannot improve, and you cannot have hope for the future. True hope comes from converting the could have's, to a future...shall do. I actually think people forgive themselves too easily. They will do so to make themselves feel better, just for the moment, instead of using it as fuel for change for the better.
Continued in the next comment
Continuation:
返信削除3) Yes, very well said. I really have nothing to add.
4) I wish I could comment...however, as I only know one language...I cannot.
So far as recommendations to those wishing to learn another language, your advice to read and write seems sound.
5) To read is always sound advice. Actually, most people don't realize what the written word is. It is a way of crystallizing time. Much of what is written comes after a lifetime of experience. It is through the eyes of wisdom that it was written, and when we may read through many lifetimes worth of experience over time, the wisdom of the ages are available to us to consume at a rapid rate. This is how we may live many lifetimes in the space of one. To read a book from a talented writer is more than a way of receiving information. With the author's talent for description, you are taken on a journey of the mind which, if made colorful enough by the author, is indistinguishable from reality. It is a movie which plays so real, it becomes a first person perspective holographic reality, and so, you will have lived many lifetimes.
Reading a good book, in comfortable surroundings, is one of the great pleasures in life.
7) Yes...yes...yes. I could not agree with you more. Music is the language of the emotions. It connects the physical, the intellectual, and the emotional. Once a certain skill level is achieved, it becomes creative. It is through our creativity where our only chance at immortality is born. To leave a song of great beauty, one which conveys beauty to another, is just as in writing, a way to better others, and the world, through our wisdom. This is wisdom of the soul.
To know beauty, is to be able to give of that beauty...to others. To be able to do so, is to be a guide to a way of life which is not only beautiful...but through its message, may grow exponentially in width and depth (numbers and time).
8) Yes, and this is where so many people fail to realize the effect of the physical on the intellectual and the emotional. Everything in our body operates on degradation and supercompensation. That which is not stimulated, withers and dies. That which is stimulated, is kept. When the body is stimulated beyond its usual boundries and allowed to recover, it shall grow stronger (supercompensation). When the exercise reaches a certain threshold...where there is the conquering of pain, a new threshold is established. Everyday pains start to pale, and so, life seems to be more and more pain free. However, the real benefits come with the heightening of the senses not related to pain. Colors will take on whole new meanings, sensations, flavors. Symphonies play in the mp3 of the mind as you go about your daily activities, so you are always accompanied by beautiful music. The only thing that must be kept in mind is that without a regular exercise regimen established...one which is kept up for a lifetime...decompensation occurs. However, once a person realizes the great benefits of enough exercise to realize the greatly postive effects, they usually keep exercise as a way of life. It is those who never push beyond the quantity of quality exercise who simply quit before the greatly positive threshold may be realized.
Continued in the next comment.
Continuation:
返信削除9) Yes, but I would take it further. I have read many accounts of survivors of suicide attempts (true attempts, where death was very likely). Almost everyone said that after the moment of no return, they had deeply regretted their decision.
I say that the moment of impending death is where truth shall be found. The problem then becomes easy to solve. Simply jump from 20,000 ft. with a parachute. As you fall, and you see certain death rushing at you from below, should you truly wish to die, you simply need not open your parachute. However, after seeing death in the eyes, and at the moment of truth, you decide you truly wish to live, then all you have to do is to open the ripcord of life. From that moment on, you will know that you had chosen life. From that moment on, small matters no longer register. A crystal clarity of the priorities of happiness will emerge. The person may no longer doubt his will to live, and so, he will make the necessary changes towards happiness. He will no longer live in doubt, fear, or shame.
There is a saying in the mental health professionals in the U.S. (I assume everywhere in the world). Suicide is a permanent solution to an impermanent situation.
However, I am not saying that suicide is always wrong. There are some very valid reasons to do so. However, for the vast majority of cases, it is not a valid choice.
10) Yes, to live in the service of others is an honorable way to live, and a way of hope for someone. In all but the most extreme of cases, I agree.
However, this brings me to the point of when it is desirable to commit suicide.
I must be very careful in how I phrase this, as I do not wish to condone the notion of suicide...except to the very few of whom it would be a valid option.
In a case where there really is no hope...where there is nothing on the TRUE horizon but never ending and increasing pain, and especially where your living just a few miserable months extra would greatly burden those you love...then yes...suicide can be honorable. Take the instance of a definite case of death
by an incurable cancer, one which had heavily ravaged the body to the point of no hope. Now, lets say that to extend treatment through heavy doses of radiotherapy or chemotherapy would just alliviate some of the symptoms for but a few months, but you would be left with such heavy side effects that you would just be left bedridden. Now, compound this with the heavy financial costs associated with this, and how it would rob your children and spouse of their future. No, I say to just enjoy what ever time you have left ...and then to enjoy the process of dying on your own terms...one where you are left with the free spirit of having looked death in the eyes, and had walked toward it without fear or doubt. Dying well means having lived life well.
Don't get me wrong. This would be a conscientous decision based not on fear..but on love for others, true justice, and courage.
Just so I am not misunderstood...to commit suicde because of financial troubles
or some other such problems in life...is wrong. There is hope for the future. If a person just realized that if the consideration of death is to be considered as a viable option, then ALL other lesser means are also valid. This means that chasing the wildest dream, such as moving to another country and starting anew, or say, living alone in the wilderness and just living off the land, and becoming a writer or musician by practicing all the time, is also a valid option.
One more continuation...
Continuation:
返信削除People often feel that living within the societal framework is an unbreakable parameter. No...by changing the environment to suit you, when all else fails, is also valid. People often feel that to fail as a cog in society...is to fail at life. No...sometimes it is necessary to create a life that fits you. Thoughts of suicide, in all but the most extreme cases, should be a signal to change your life. It should be the calling of true freedom to do that which has been suppressed. If a person does not fear death, then he should have no fear of change, no fear of failure, and certainly, no limits to his dreams. This is true freedom. It is in this where he shall find true happiness in life....and so, reason to hope, and reason to truly live.
Sorry to extend so many of my thoughts and words on this article, however, you had touched on so many very important points in life, especially on the need to examine one's life, that I felt the need to comment so extensively.
First off, thank you for putting so much thought into this post. This list actually meant a lot to me because it shows pretty much everything I've learnt in my life so far, and I'm glad to know that someone else liked it too.
削除I totally agree with this: "to look back and to honestly see your shortcomings, things you could have done better, is to improve yourself for the future. The could haves' and would haves' are a necessary part of a true look at one's self."
It's very important to admit mistakes and to learn from them. I suppose what's necessary is a good balance. Personally, I'm not very good at forgiving myself for the mistakes I've made. I tend to think that I could've done better and I could've tried harder. These thoughts do wake me up sometimes, but they can also make my life harder because I always have to be the person I'm supposed to be. I have realized that there are times when I have to learn to forgive myself and let go of who I'm supposed to be. As you say, however, "true hope comes from converting the could have's, to a future...shall do".
Jumping from 20,000ft with a parachute sounds like a good advice. I really like it. But I also wonder if those who "open the ripcord of life" do so necessarily because they chose life in a true sense. Those who do complete suicide without being defeated by the instinctive fear of death probably does have a very strong will to die, so the parachute suicide might be a good screening test in that sense, but some people who end up opening their parachute may come back down to earth (merely because of their instinctive reaction to avoid death) with still no answer to life. And in the end, although I do like the idea of "experiencing" death halfway through with an option to go back, I think truth is often found in the face of death only because death means you can't go back.
In your cancer scenario, by the way, I understand that death can be the best choice. I'm not at all against denial of life prolongation. This is something I read somewhere and I totally agree: It's not "giving up" if one reaches a point in the illness where the higher good is to surrender to it. This can bring peace to the soul and a happier exit from life, rather than to resist death all the way to the bitter end and everyone suffers and focuses on nothing but loss.
Putting incurable diseases aside, I think it's very true that if a person does not fear death, then he should have no fear of anything. If he is not at all afraid of risking his life, he has nothing to lose; it is indeed true freedom! But maybe to some people, the hardships of life are more frightful than death. In that sense, I sometimes think that death is a prize to enjoy for those who really lived their lives to the fullest. As someone said in his song, it's only alright to die if that's the only thing you haven't tried.
Anyway, I especially like the way you described the pleasures of reading. I couldn't have said it better. Though I didn't comment on every point you made, I will read them again from time to time. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.