iron will

"That's not your duty.  That's your ambition."

Tonight, I watched The Iron Lady, the movie about Margaret Thatcher.  I thought its main focus would be on what she accomplished as a prime minister but it was more about her as also a mother and a wife -- a normal fragile human being with regrets and fears and pain.

The film surely tells us that her priority had always been public service.  She always knew what the nation needed, and she had strong faith in what she was doing.  No critisizm wavered her courage.  She was always correct and brave and just perfect.  Regret and fear seemed like the last thing she would feel.  But as she suffers dementia and has conversations with her dead husband in her hallucinations, she feels the weight of the sacrifices she had made in order to pursue her career, and also remembers the pain she had to go through when resigning.

Earlier this evening, I had a call from a friend and during the conversation she told me what she felt about med students in general -- they had too much pride and were too cold and superficial.  She had a problem with a certain guy in particular who tried to look good in front of everyone.  I don't know him in person, but from what I heard from her, it seemed like he didn't have his own mind.  He lacked confidence.  He reminded me that not knowing what is truly important to you really makes your life complicated and painful.

Thatcher never lacked confidence.  She knew what was important to her, to her nation and the people.  She acted faithfully to her own principles and still, she faced (at least in the movie) the pain caused by her own choices.  After all, being a prime minister was not her duty; it was her ambition.  And as satisfied as she was while being in the position, she wonders what all the painful decision-making had been for when she nears the end of her life.  All her past accomplishments seemed to fade away before her current regret towards her family (or husband in particular).

The Iron Lady reminded me of another movie about another female political leader -- The Lady (about Aung San Suu Kyi), and I think both women share the same kind of regrets resulting from their iron will.  Correct decisions so often seem almost like a mistake in hindsight.

So life is painful either way -- with or without confidence and convictions.  If one is destined to regret, probably anyone would rather regret a decision made according to his own principles.  But if that means sacrificing the people he loves, perhaps not everyone can be as strong as the two women.